Celebrities

What Your One Direction Crush Says About You

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All of the members of One Direction are flawless, precious human beings who are a gift unto the world and the best thing to ever come from Simon Cowell’s overly Botoxed head. Still, it is unavoidable that we each have a favorite, although it is kind of like trying to pick your favorite puppy from the litter. Actually, it is exactly like picking your favorite puppy from the litter. In alphabetical order, your guide to what your favorite member of 1D says about you.

Niall Horan

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Niall fans are the salt of the One Direction earth. Niall fans appreciate the important things in life: drinking, pizza, and men in tank tops. Niall fans are big flirts, but picky about who they take home. Niall fans aren’t afraid to go it alone. Niall fans are impossible to embarrass, and Niall fans laugh at everything, even when no one else is laughing. Niall fans think tattoos are fine, but would probably never get one themselves.

Zayn Malik

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A Zayn fan knows that despite being empirically the best singer and the most attractive member of the band, Zayn is not the most famous member of One Direction. This is the Tao of Zayn, to which all Zayn fans subscribe: being extremely good at everything and yet somehow flying under the radar. A Zayn fan will read all of Infinite Jest and not brag about it once. A Zayn fan loves herself and knows her boundaries. A Zayn fan is like a human iceberg, with untold depths beneath the water. A Zayn fan might not even tell anyone they like One Direction.

Liam Payne

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Liam fans know he is the only member of the band actually physically capable of carrying you over fire and water, as sung in “Through the Dark.” Liam fans also know Liam’s strong jawline and broad shoulders. A Liam fan fantasizes about watching Liam build a cabin upstate, where they will spend long weekends with their rosy-cheeked children and golden retriever. It will be on a pond, and in the summer Liam will patiently stand in the water, teaching your child how to swim. He will carefully check the area for snakes first.

Harry Styles

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If you are a Harry fan, you are probably unrepentantly weird and treasure the weirdness of those around you. Harry is the Aquarius of Aquariuses, happily going his own way while wearing a flower crown and cheerfully falling over a lot. Harry fans believe in tight jeans, but comfortable jeans. Harry fans believe in flannel.  Harry fans are sensitive, and try to hide it, but don’t always succeed. Harry fans are hard to embarrass. Harry fans own at least one brand of celebrity perfume and hate Taylor Swift’s lipgloss. Harry fans believe in finders keepers, especially with citrus fruits.

Louis Tomlinson

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Louis fans appreciate the internal leader of the band, as well as its premier mischief-maker and pants-roller-upper. (Not to be confused with premier pants-er, as that is Liam.) Louis fans know what they want and say what they think, even when that is going to piss someone off. A Louis fan is very protective; thou shalt not mess with a Louis fan’s loved ones. Louis fans get shit done and don’t make a big deal out of it. Louis fans are probably not to be trusted around valuable antiques. Or cars. Or anything, really.

(1,  2 3, main image via ABC)

 

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