Are you weird about dating? We’re here to help you figure it out! Just email us a question and we’ll tell you, as honestly as we possibly can, whether or not we think it’s weird. Today’s topic: nighttime sex, and the lack thereof.
Lori, from Brooklyn, writes:
“I haven’t had nighttime sex in months. My boyfriend has always really liked morning sex, and lately he’s had no interest in evening sex. I’m a girl and I like my romantic evenings, plus on work mornings there’s always a rush factor, when at night there isn’t. The other thing I think about (which I KNOW is irrational) is like, come on, in the morning you WAKE UP…ready to go, so to speak…you don’t even have to look at me or touch me to get in the mood!”
Hmm, Lori, are you guys going on enough dates? If you and your boyfriend go out in big groups and get wasted and stay out til all hours, it totally makes sense for you guys to just sort of crash in bed and deal with romance in the morning – -that’s natural. Same with the end of a long work day — he may just feel exhausted at night.
It seems like morning sex might be the status quo in your relationship, which really should be fine as long as at least sometimes you have more prolonged, romantic sex in the evening, as opposed to the morning quickie.
The best way to deal with this is to make sure to plan romantic dates with each other — just the two of you. Going on romantic dates will rekindle the early “courtship” phase of your relationship — you’ll both get dressed up, the night will feel out of the ordinary, and you’ll both be much more likely to end it with sex instead of just crashing. (If you get home after a long romantic evening together and he flips on the TV and says ‘not tonight,’ he’s a jerk.)
Of course, you can always go the unpopular route and talk to him about how you feel. Explain that you love morning sex–and afternoon sex and nighttime sex and lunchtime sex. So how about mixing things up a bit?
And the third solution, of course, is to just make it happen. If you initiate, is he really gonna turn it down? Remember, it takes two to tango. He’s not the only one to set your sexual routines, so don’t be afraid to speak up or take action for what you want.