Spring is supposed to be a beautiful time for everyone- birds are chirping, flowers are budding, and romance is everywhere. Everywhere but near me, as it goes.
A couple of years ago, I thought my time had come. That is, my time to have a boyfriend. Unfortunately, things went awry.
In college, a guy friend and I stayed close even though we lived a thousand miles apart. We saw each other on holidays and in the summer and that was enough. He was one of those rare men who I was actually comfortable around. He even knew what kind of TV shows I liked and still chose to hang around anyway.
I loved having someone other than my mom to share news with and that he was always willing to go to places with me. I had fun introducing him to my acquaintances, finally proud that a handsome man had some interest in me. (As a sidenote, my college was made up of 70% girls. Getting a boyfriend was more difficult than winning the lottery.)
As time went on, I began to notice small things. Why did he say I looked “cute”? Dogs, children, and travel-sized toiletries are cute- not girlfriends. And who was he texting whenever we were together? It was baffling but I shrugged it off, believing that it was paranoia creeping in. He did, after all, occasionally drop a pet name.
In May, I finally made a list of things to tell and ask him about. Knowing we would either leave that conversation in a relationship or hating each other, I dreaded it. I told him everything on my list. By the end of the conversation, it felt as though I’d witnessed Voldemort murder a puppy. And my “boyfriend” looked as though somebody had just proven that unicorns were real.
After that, we stopped talking. We went from having everything in common to having absolutely nothing to say to each other. When people asked me where he was or if we’d broken up, I never quite figured out what to say. It’s impossible to break up with somebody you were never dating. My go-to response was a blank stare until someone else changed the subject.
What’s more embarrassing than knowing you’re single? Being absolutely oblivious to it.