Dating Diaries: When First Impressions Go Horribly Wrong

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Let’s say you’re out on a Friday, leaning against the jukebox trying to decide between the ironic pop selection and cutting edge indie jam, when a guy approaches you — or really, just throws a wadded bar napkin at you (true and extremely romantic story). He says, “Hey,” and you say…what, exactly?

Yes, I did pick this Taylor Swift song, but that’s not the only music I listen to. I’m holding the cheapest possible beer, but sometimes I drink the nice stuff. I have brown hair, I’m 25 and I’m from Texas but that’s not all I am. There’s complex stuff going on over here, I promise.

Related: What Your Taste In Music Says About You On a Date
If I said that I’m a writer, would you think I’m pretentious? If I said that I own a cat, would you make a Single Ladies joke? Because I think that sometimes people actually mean it when they make cat lady comments (super original, dudes). The point is, I just want to make a good first impression.

A few weeks ago, I was actually leaning against a jukebox when a guy came up to say hi. He was wearing a circle scarf, but hadn’t looped it around twice so it was just hanging there. I wanted to tell him, “You know, I don’t think you’re wearing that right,” but what do I know? He could be a fashion pioneer. It wasn’t nice of me, but it made me immediately dubious. That, and it was almost closing time, so I figured he was just drunk enough to try and find someone to take home. (I had also started the evening with homemade tequila smoothies made with a friend’s new Magic Bullet blender (try this one at home, folks!), so I was not exactly sure-footed myself.)

Related: 6 Really Unattractive Things That Women Do When They’re Drunk
We ended up having one of those conversations that starts as playful banter and turns outright hostile. I told him I also owned a pair of black Converse sneakers, which he was wearing, and he responded, “You and everybody else.” Well, yeah, you’re the one wearing them! At some point he tugged me by the scarf for a kiss; I accused him of treating me like a dog on a leash and stormed off towards my friends.

He left thinking I was horribly mean and I left not knowing what to think — which is typical. For now, we’ll just file this one away in the folder labeled “Bad First Impressions.”

Nikki Metzgar is a writer from Texas. She thinks the best first dates don’t include sit down dinners, but can’t help but be impressed by flowers. @nikkimetz