Communication

A Grievance Against the “[So-and-So] is typing” Feature on GChat

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Of all the annoyances Gmail has wrought unto the world, the most annoying by far is the “…is typing” feature in GChat.

Look, working up the courage to GChat a crush is no small feat.

Composing your initial message (“Hey!”Hey.” “Heyyyyyy” “What’s up?”) takes a clear head and an unwavering commitment.

Pressing “Enter” takes the strength of a samurai, waiting for a response takes the patience of a bird watcher waiting for a cerulean warbler in the Bronx. (Just go with it.)

The last thing you need, having made it through the gauntlet of sending a message, is to see “[Your Crush] is typing…” appear in the GChat box.

Because, while, logically you knew that they would A) receive your message, and presumably B) type something to respond, it’s really different to actually sit and watch your computer while they type. And type. And type.

And sometimes, just when you’re thinking that by now they must have typed at least a paragraph’s worth of charming flirty banter — the typing stops.

And then comes the dreaded, dreaded: “[Your Crush] has entered text.”

……what?!

What did they enter? Why would they type it and not send it? Did they forget to click “Enter?” You’ve done that sometimes! Maybe they’ve walked away from the computer by now, thinking that they sent it, but when in reality they didn’t. Maybe you should text them? No! No, of course not.┬áMaybe they’re just…thinking about it?

Suddenly, you have an image of your crush, smoking a pipe and looking contemplatively at the text they’ve apparently just entered.

And then! Just like that! A miracle! “[Your Crush] is typing…” again! And typing and typing, and oh boy, you cannot wait to read their response.

Finally, they stop typing, and a second later, a new message appears in your box.

[Your Crush:] Not much, what’s up with you?

….cool. Thanks for that unnecessary roller coaster of emotion, Gchat.

Of course, Gmail isn’t the only culprit of the unrequested “[so-and-so] is typing…”. The newish iPhone feature iMessage does the same thing, so that if someone you are texting is currently composing a text, and you have that conversation open, then an ellipsis annoyingly appears in a little thought bubble.

Agony! Total agony.

But also annoying if you get a text from your crush and you want to show your friends so you open the text chat and then get paranoid that if you accidentally push a button or something, your crush will see that you’re typing, when really, you weren’t, you were just goofily re-reading their text from earlier.

Anyway.

Even though I know the person on the other end of the computer/phone is typing/texting? I don’t need to know.

You know?

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