Popcorn Flirting: The Flirting That Gets You Nowhere

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The latest craze in the HowAboutWe office is the cheddar-flavored popcorn that our office manager orders on Fresh Direct. Every afternoon, like zombies, we find ourselves wordlessly walking to the kitchen, opening the cabinet, and fixing ourselves a big bowl of popcorn, which we then mechanically shovel into our mouths for the next half hour. And let me tell you, in the middle of a work day, that popcorn tastes good.

But then, at around 5 o’clock, we’re full and our stomach is a little queasy and we’re not really satisfied because we filled up on, what? Air and artificial cheese dust.

Because popcorn tastes good at the time, but is ultimately an unsatisfying snack.

(Can you guess where this is going?)

Popcorn flirting, like its snack namesake, is momentarily pleasurable, but leaves you feeling sort of…empty. Unsated.

Related: The Ridiculously Simple Flirting Move for Shy Girls

It usually occurs with someone you’ve flirted with before, maybe even on many occasions. But it’s lost its excitement and sexiness at this point, and neither of you harbor any hope of it leading anywhere.

It’s a friendly, almost comforting type of flirting.

It’s the guy on Facebook in a different state who will send you a flirty message once a month — you’ll play back, of course, because flirting back is a reflex, and it’s mildly amusing, but there’s no sexual tension building.

Related: 9 Things to Do When Someone You Like Friends You on Facebook

It’s the girl who will GChat you when you’re randomly checking your email at 2 am on a Tuesday night. She’ll do a wink-y emoticon and say something sexy because maybe she’s a little bored and lonely, and you’ll respond, because maybe you are, too. But you know you’re not going to get in your car and go see her. Not tonight.

It’s the guy with the live-in girlfriend who feels comfortable flirting with you at work, because, after all, nothing is going to happen.

Related: A Grievance Against the [So & So is typing…] Feature on GChat

It’s the girl you haven’t seen in six years, but who follows you on Twitter and flirtily “@s” you every once in a while, leading to a brief repartee, but never a DM.

Popcorn flirting isn’t bad for you. It’s not heroin flirting.

It’s just a little…empty.

It’s the snack you reach for when you just want to snack on something, and the popcorn is there.

There’s nothing wrong with it. But sooner or later, you’re just going to want a meal.