1. How long have you been together?
a. One Year. b. Three Months. c. We hooked up a few times last week.
2. How many of his friends and family are you connected to on Facebook?
a. Lots of his friends, though not any family — that’s a big step. b. Two or three friends of his that we met out at a bar one night. c. None.
3. How many of his friends and family have you met in real life?
a. I know almost everyone he is close with: family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, the guy who works at his corner grocery store, his dentist. b. I’ve hung out with his group of friends a few times but we haven’t done the whole “meet the family” thing yet. c. I only really interact with his night doorman.
4. What does he call you when he introduces you to other people?
a. His girlfriend. b. Depends on who I am meeting, but he usually just says my name. c. We’ve never been in public together.
5. How often do you interact with each other’s Facebook activity?
a. We regularly comment and post on our timelines with inside jokes. b. He has liked my status a few times and I liked one of his recent photos. c. He just accepted my friend request.
6. What kinds of photos do you have of the two of you online?
a. Lots of pictures of us together, some cute and coupley, some group shots from big events. b. There are two or three photos from one night we were out together. c. He once put a picture of me and him on Instagram because he said I, “Looked hot enough to make Tracy jealous.”
7. What celebrity couple are you like?
a. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. b. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. c. John Mayer and whoever.
8. What on his Facebook page surprised you the most to find out?
a. An old photo from college that showed he once had an earring. b. That he went to a private high school. c. His last name.
9. When is his birthday?
a. July 26th, I’ve had it in my calendar for months. b. Sometime in the end of September. c. I don’t even know how old he is.
10. What is the last text message he sent you?
a. On my way over, need me to pick up dinner? b. Seeing a buddy tonite, hang next week? c. Who is this?
Everyone knows that posting your relationship on Facebook is the last step before getting married, so obviously this seems right. You two are already co-owners of a modest digital home in Farmville and have multiple photo albums dedicated to things like your romantic trip to a maple syrup bottler in Vermont last September where you captioned more than one of the photos using a pun on the word “sap,” so you may as well take the plunge and put your relationship on Facebook for everyone to roll their eyes at.
Like eating gas station sushi on your way to a job interview, this one is a gamble. Maybe you’re going to be his super serious girlfriend who totally warrants Facebook acknowledgement and a couples page one day. But maybe you’re the fling for now because he knew you’d have the proper bright shift dress to be his date for his fraternity brother’s North Carolina wedding and you’re out the door as soon as he gets his tickets to Governors Ball and needs a chick with a festival-ready fringe vest and decent supply of hallucinogens.
It’s pretty hard to establish a Facebook relationship with a guy you probably couldn’t identify in a police lineup. It’s really anyone’s guess as to whether he is going to end up being your boyfriend or stealing your identity so he can get himself a new flat screen TV from Best Buy on your tab. Keep your status single, your online dating account active, and maybe think about getting tested.
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