Pre-date texting is ruining our relationships, says the New York Post, arguing that too much virtual communication too soon can sabotage your chances at off-line love. Because, while your date-to-be definitely, for sure wants regular updates on your dinner plans, your career situation, and how the subway took forever this morning, texting before meeting up IRL can lead to major disappointment when you find out your digital intimacy doesn’t match real life.
And apparently, “premature escalation” — building a text relationship before an in-person one — is on the rise. According to a very scientific and multi-denominational survey from JDate and Christian Mingle, more than 60 percent of single people “communicate more frequently with potential dates because of their phones” — and that’s no good, says relationship expert Emily Morse. “By the time you meet your partner for an actual date, you’ve built up this whole image and fantasy in your head of who you think they are, and then they turn out to be totally different,” she says.
Which, true. From first hand experience, I can confirm that a person who is a hilarious master texter can also be a person who will sit silently across from you for 45 minutes staring into the middle distance while refusing to tell you where in Indiana he grew up. Dating rules may be stupid, but also, Morse has a point.
Instead of long, passionate, emoji-filled exchanges, experts recommend keeping your pre-date texting to a minimum — three back and forths max, focusing on date logistics, not life plans/hopes/dreams/selfies. Just tell your prospective beloved that you think “it’s cool that you want to know me, but I’m not into conversational texting before we meet.” Or don’t do that, because that will make them feel terrible, and “conversational texting” is not something anyone has ever described themselves as being “into.” Just say “cool” a lot. It has the same effect.
Image via Veer
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