Missed Connections

10 Incredible Missed Connections That Could Only Happen at Market Basket

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For residents of Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and, as of 2013, Maine, Market Basket is a magical wonderland of low-priced food and skyrocketing levels of character. But it’s not just a grocery store, it’s a lifestyle.

While known for high quality items that won’t break the bank, it’s not just food that everyone heads to The Basket for. It’s the Passover supplies garnished with “Happy Easter: 2 for $5” signs, the circulars with as many spelling and grammatical errors as there are deals, and locals dressed in head-to-toe footsie pajamas in the middle of the afternoon. You don’t just go to Mahket Bahsket to shop, you go to stare. If that weren’t true, then why would someone create the endlessly entertaining People of Market Basket website? Whole Foods doesn’t have a tumblr, it just has people in yoga pants paying too much money for quinoa.

But, as demonstrated by their thriving presence on Craigslist Missed Connections, Market Basket is a place to find companionship and lasting romance. Here are 10 of these glorious declarations of love that would do the Market Basket proud.

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First up is this self-proclaimed “easy going” gentleman from Billerica, or as I call it, the “Paris of the North Shore.” The real beauty in this post is the sheer lack of description. “20 Items or More???” I think that’s an attempt at sexual innuendo. Get it? Because they met in the “20 Items or Less” line. The “More” is an unequivocal sex invite. And sheer “attrativeness” aside, this description could fit about one third of the population, since there’s basically no physical description whatsoever. Doesn’t every lovely lady think she has a great personality?

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While Danvers is certainly chock-full of eye catchers, this lovely lady who lurks at the Basket around closing time caught the eye of bachelor number two at the checkout counter. Of course, her “very sexy body” had a little bit to do with it. But most importantly, he’ll be able to pick you out of the crowd because you probably know the specific nationality of the checkout boy. Unless the checkout boy had a distinct Irish accent as he packed your Doritos, this is a bit suspicious.

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Ahhhhh, Sunday afternoon in Haverhill. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and neighborhood dads carry a 30-rack of Bud Heavy into the house to watch the Pats game. Pure perfection. But next to Choice Fitness, one of those $10/month gyms where guys named Mike and Jason go to pump iron, this bro is loading up his Acura and making eyesex with the local gentlemen. I think it’s pretty ballsy that the writer wants to pursue this fella, since he seems to be giving the look of love to every dude in the parking lot. Nice touch on the strawberries, though. Boy’s gotta get his Vitamin C.

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Down in the magical land of New Bedford, where unicorns roam freely, this twentysomething gent fell for a silver fox who was hanging around with a lady. I’d like to give him props for posting this just 45 minutes after the love connection took place. That shit is efficient. But the real gem in this situation is the last-minute grope. “On the way out I looked at you and you grabbed your crotch.” Hey, the course of true love never did run smooth, so why should a last-ditch fondling come on at Market Basket?

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Oh, Fitchburg. Your thriving levels of violent crime are so hard to resist. But that’s not all that’s so hard to resist. For this young man, the sight of a lady at the checkout line was so jarring that he just “stood there staring.” Soon, she was gone. Farewell, sweet love. May your knight on a white horse wearing a hat and dark blue zip up hoodie find you somewhere else.

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All true romances start out at the deli counter, BTW. And while these two lovebirds traded smiles as they shuffled down the aisles, they didn’t speak. Luckily, the female paramour was wearing dark yoga pants, which as we all know, are like, instant sex.

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Now this guy really knows how to put himself out there. A lady smiles at him amidst a sea of fruits and vegetables, and suddenly he’s smitten. But the real magic is his willingness to step into the forbidden fruit, if you know what I mean. “Was just about to say something, but I thought I saw a wedding band.” Hmmm. I’m gonna say the likelihood that she’s trolling the Missed Connections are low on this one. But you keep strong; you “fit” young man with “longish blonde hair.”

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Okay, this Cape Cod courter is keeping it short and sweet. What I really like is his willingness to pull the family card. “You were with your son (I think).” Well, let’s hope it’s hers, because we all know it’s not cool to go all Amber Alert in the checkout line at Market Basket.

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Ohhhhh yeah. Now this has promise. Not only was this young man able to pin down her “sparkling” eyes and sassy taste in accessories, but this couple had an actual conversation. I mean, if you’re illuminated by some guy’s knowledge of asparagus in the produce aisle, that’s pretty much a guarantee of a 6 month relationship. Unfortunately, due to the crispy weather in the produce department, this young lady felt the need to keep her pink and black mittens on, so we don’t know if she was sporting a wedding ring. Damn frosty conditions inside the grocery store, ruining this guy’s game.

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Every great romance begins in Taunton. Especially ones that begin with a guy loading stuff into his truck in the grocery store parking lot. What I really like here is the first gentleman’s already bringing out the “long day” statements. I’m just sayin’, keep it free of that stuff for at least the first date. You do not want to scare off a possible suitor with the trials and tribulations of your day. Also, have these two met before? “I didn’t recognize you at first” seems a little bit like these two souls have crossed paths. Maybe then can load the truck together one day, brought together by the sensual glory that is Market Basket in Taunton.

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