Although my distinctive shade of red hair made me the target for some mean-spirited nicknames in elementary school, I’ve grown to love my shiny copper-colored locks. After all, as The Washington Post points out, natural redheads make up between 1 and 2 percent of the human race, which means we’re even more rare than lefthanders.
Perhaps that explains why some guys have a huge redhead fetish.
Look, I get it. Christina Hendricks (not a natural redhead, but I’ll let that slide because I love Mad Men) and Julianne Moore are hot. I’m often proud to have pale skin and bright red hair that makes me stand out in a sea of blondes and brunettes. But if I had a buck for every guy who used some awkward ginger joke as an attempted pick-up line, I’d buy a round of drinks for all my fellow carrot tops.
Here’s how not to impress a redhead you’re dating—or want to date.
1. “My first erection was during The Little Mermaid.”
TMI, dude! I know Disney movies are rife with hidden innuendo but that’s a little more than I care to know. Thanks for ruining my favorite childhood movie and bringing the conversation to an uncomfortable halt. And if you still use a cartoon mermaid to get off, please keep that knowledge to yourself.
2. “Does the carpet match the drapes?”
Wouldn’t you like to know?
3. “You look like that vampire from True Blood/Molly Ringwald/a young Carol Burnett/Lindsey Lohan before she started binge drinking.”
I kid you not, I once got an initial message from someone on an online dating site and the entirety of his message was: “You that vampire from True Blood?” (of course, he didn’t bother with punctuation or capitalization but that’s another story). Unless you want to tell me I’m spitting image of Nicole Kidman (I’ll take it), why not skip the stereotypes and write something more original? Believe me, you’re not the first to make those comparisons, and it’s hard to know if looking like an actress from the eighties or a tabloid starlet is meant to be a compliment or not.
4. “Hey, I know it’s not St. Patty’s Day, but if I kiss you does that mean I’ll get lucky?”
Funny you mention that, because I’m actually Scottish, not Irish. In fact, Scotland has the highest proportion of redheads compared to any other country in the world, including Ireland. And to answer your question, no, you probably won’t get lucky if you keep using cheesy lines like that.
5. “I hope that fiery temper of yours translates to the bedroom.”
Who the $#@& started this vicious rumor that redheads have a hot temper?! If I could track down that person, I’d … Just kidding. Seriously, though, would you want someone to make assumptions about your bedroom abilities based on your size 7 feet or your mediocre salsa-dancing ability or the fact that you cried during Braveheart? I think not.
Have you ever heard (or worse, used) one of these lines? What would you add to the list?