So yesterday a male acquaintance emailed me with a dating conundrum. He and I felt so differently on the subject that I asked for his permission to reprint his situation here.
“i have a friend who bartends occasionally. most times shes there, she has a group of friends there. ive gotten to know a few of them relatively well, just from being there when shes bartending. one of her friends, Laura, ive had a little thing for but never really thought anything about it. the other night, things with Laura got a little more flirty than usual, and im certain im gonna get her # by the end of the night – we didnt bring anything up specifically, i just had that good vibe – but one of their friends got sick, vomitted, and i didnt really feel the best time to ask her for # was when she was helping a sick girl out of the bar to find a cab.
do i, a) find her on facebook, b) ask my bartender friend for Laura’s #, c) wait until the next time i see her, which is unknown?”
To me, the answer was instant and obvious: of COURSE he should find her on Facebook! I told him as much, and he replied:
“The interesting thing I noticed was that all the girls I asked this question (5 of them) said to Facebook. All the guys I asked (6 in total) said that a txt is better than Facebook. I thought that was pretty funny.”
GUYYYYYYYYYYSSSSSSSSSSS! Facebook is WAY better. Let me explain why.
1) You need to test the waters first. Sure, she was flirty that night, but everyone misreads signals. Friending her on Facebook with a casual message is a good way of doing that.
2) If she’s on the cusp, getting a call or a text from you might panic her — it might seem a little overeager.
3) Never involve a middle man — three’s a crowd, especially when #3 is a mutual acquaintance who might feel awkward about the whole thing.
Speaking from a girl’s perspective, I’ve gone to LOTS of parties where I’ve had a great conversation from a guy and he doesn’t asked for my number, but finds me on Facebook instead. It’s flattering!
Here’s a fail-proof script you can use:
Hey [Girl's Name]
[Insert funny quip/follow-up to conversation you had in person.]
Let me know if you’re ever in [Insert Your Neighborhood], and we can grab a drink or something.
See? SUPER casual. If she’s into it, she’ll reply with something like “I’d LOVE to, in fact, I think I’m heading up there next Tuesday?” And if she isn’t into you she’ll either ignore it or say something vague. Either way, you get your answer with minimal embarrassment.
Facebook. It’s a beautiful thing.