In a recent SFGate piece, it was revealed that Walgreens sells $400 bottles of champagne. Say what? Sure, drugstores are great for cold medicine and snacks and food and everything, but do they have everything you need for the perfect date? The answer seems to be yes.
1. Justin Bieber “The Key” or “Girlfriend” Eau de Parfum
Humans, as a species, could stand to smell better. Buy your favorite celebrity-endorsed odor and walk with the confidence of a proud skunk.
Dating, and all that follows it, requires lots of energy. Peeps are sugar. Sugar is carbs. Carbs are energy. Basically, make Peeps your main source of calories and you’ll be a modern day Casanova. Check the seasonal aisle.
3. Red Vines
Same general calorie help with the added bonus of Rihanna flavored “Whips and chains.”
Everyone needs a movie to not-finish because you “got distracted.” Or a movie to finish cause the date was sorta meh. It happens.
5. Frozen Pizza
Not exactly homemade, but you can add your own toppings and use it as an excellent date activity with conversation built in. “Do you like red peppers? Yes? Tell me more.”
6. Coloring Books
How many times has “I’ll be ready in five minutes” turned into 30? This time, bring a productive activity that you can show off to your new honey.
Cause, you know, what we talked about earlier. P.S. – You can for real buy this exact champagne in Walgreens.
8. Oatmeal Bath Mix
The idea may bring back itchy memories, but these baths are still amazing for your skin – chickenpox or no. Plus, when you make one, your bath has that little fog that will cover over any nudity. Sexy and moisturizing time together? Sign me up.
For before, during (ask us about it), and after.
10. Weird, leftover holiday stuffed animals
First, it’s going to be a steal at that post-holiday discounted rate. Second, everyone loves presents. Especially when they’re adorable presents.
Paper to wrap the aforementioned adorable gift. And the other kind to wrap your penis.
12. Glade Plugin
There is no bigger wood kill than a bedroom that smells like sweat socks. Get a Glade candle if you really want some mood lighting.
13. 15 Best Irish Smooth Jazz Romance Tunes
Here, you’ve the added benefit of getting to listen to snippets of the album before purchase. Celtic Woman love hymnals are an appropriate substitute.
14. Kitten/Sexy Firemen Calendar
To plan your next date, of course. And yes, those are your only two options. None of that “Inspirational Quotes” bullocks.