Love her or hate her, Sinead O’Connor has always had a reputation for being just a bit on the quirky side. It should be no surprise, then, that her very public search for a mate would come along with a very specific set of requirements.
If you match all 16 items on this list, you may just find yourself on a date with one of pop music’s greatest vocalists. (As long as your name’s not Brian or Nigel.)
1. Must be living in Ireland but I don’t care if he is from the planet Zog.
2. Must not be named Brian or Nigel.
3. Must be blind enough to think I’m gorgeous.
4. Has to be employed. Am not fussy in what capacity generally but vehicle clampers need not apply.
5. Leather trouser-wearing gardai, fire-men, rugby players, farmers and Robert Downey Jnr will be given special consideration. As will literally anyone who applies.
6. I like me a hairy man, so buffed and/or waxed need not apply.
7. No hair gel.
8. No hair dryer use.
9. No hair dye.
10. Stubble is a non-negotiable must. Any removal of stubble would be upsetting for me.
11. No aftershave.
12. Must be very ‘snuggly’. Not just wham-bam.
13. Must be wham-bam.
14. Has to like his mother.
15. Has to like his ex and/or mother/s of his children.
16. Has to live in own place.
My only question is “Where was this information when I was an impressionable 11 year-old obsessed with Sinead’s haunting eyes, cast-down-angel voice and duckling-soft, fuzzy head?”