Dealbreakers

100 Things That Make Guys Undateable

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We were just going back through Vh1′s list of Undateables — things guys do that disqualify them from the dating scene — and I must say, they are pretty legit. I don’t think it’s too much to ask that guys don’t order wine at the stadium (although I want to be able to order wine at the stadium), listen to lite FM, have an overly-creative voice mail, or own nunchucks. Also, I have dumped a guy pretty much only because he had a chain wallet.

THE ONLY exceptions, though, according to me:

Getting Drunk on Planes. I think this must have been an oversight on the Vh1 team. Getting drunk on planes belongs on the UN-undateable (to simplify: just plain dateable) list.

Related: What Your Drink Says About You On a Date


Talking About His Ex. It’s fine if he’s telling you how much better you are than her. (Because you asked, “Aren’t I better than her?”)

Not Paying On First Date. This issue deserves more than the time allowed in one of these Undateable segments — it’s highly contested, very complicated, and telling guys they must pay on the first date is not correct.

Related: Who Pays for Dinner? 6 Ways to Make It Less Awkward


Cut Off Shorts / Holiday Sweaters. They can be worn ironically.

Crotch Grab. In private it’s okay. I mean, I don’t have one of those things. I don’t want to get judgy about it.

Here’s the list in its entirety.

Which ones do you disagree with?

100. Man Shakes
99.Blue Tooth
98.Wrong Sheets
97.Mandanas
96.Tanks & Sleeveless Ts
95.Arm Wrestling In Public
94.“The Blank –STER” [See also: Are You THAT Guy? 15 Surefire Ways to Tell]
93.Vanity Plates
92.Quoting Lines From Movies [Ed. note: I STRONGLY disagree with this one]
91.Unfortunate Ties
90.Cell Phone On The Waist
89.Sports Cliches
88.The Flatulence Trifecta
87.Ordering Wine @ Stadium [See also: Beer Drinking 101: Impress Your Date]
86.Online TMI
85.Pleated Pants
84.Embellished Jeans
83.Rearranging Junk / Butt Picking
82.Sports Jerseys
81.Dirty Car
80. Aggressive Sport Fans
79. Murses
78. Whining
77. Jorts & Japris
76. Air Guitar
75. Boners
74. Fake Swearing
73. Hawaiian Shirts
72. Overly Creative Voice Mail
71. Names For Breasts
70. Listening To Lite FM
69.Skullwear
68.Speaking In Cartoon Voice
67.Can’t Throw Ball
66.Pet Names for Penis
65.Crocs
64.Pitted Out Shirts
63.Booya
62.Tap That / Hit That
61.Playing Dungeons & Dragons
60. Going Shirtless In Public
59. Owning Nunchucks
58. Bling
57. Stupid Tees
56. Bad Dancing
55. Busting Out Porn Too Soon
54. Biker Shorts
53. Talking About Video Games
52. Bro-Code
51. “Moist”
50. Leather Pants
49. Crotch Grab
48. Holiday Sweaters
47. Bad Table Manners
46. Cut Off Shorts
45. Penis Enlargement
44. Frequenting Gun Range
43. Tacky Texting
42. Chain Wallet
41. Getting Drunk On a Plane
40.Disturbing Laugh
39.Lame Pick Lines
38.Open-Mouth Breathing
37.Excessive Ed Hardy
36.Burping Loudly & Proudly
35.Owning A Van
34.Baby Talk
33.Dad Jeans
32.Hairy Back, Neck & Nose
31.Eminem-Speak
30.Wimpy Drinker
29.Double Demin
28.Bicep & Calf Implants
27.The Pregnant Man
26.Speedos
25. Bad Driver (Sissy/Rage)
24.Attending Geek Conventions
23.Talking in Third Person
22.Riding A Contraption
21.Moobs
20. Guy lights/ Dyeing Your Hair
19. Bringing Glove to A Game
18. Tighty Whities
17. Bad Facial Hair
16. Gross Nails
15. Not Paying On First Date
14. Dirty Hair
13. Fur Coats
12. Bald Denial
11. Steroids
10. Creepily Into Mom
9. Excessive Waxing
8. Hocking Loogies
7. Mandals with Socks
6. The V & Other Gestures
5. Bustin’ a Sag
4. Eye/ Face lift
3. Chewing Tobacco
2. Talking About your Ex
1. The C-Word

Related: How To Be A Modern Gentleman

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