The 23 Most Ridiculous Reasons Why Jerry Dumped Someone on “Seinfeld”

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For having “man hands.”

For eating peas one pea at a time.

For wearing the same dress every day. (Actually, she dumped him after she found him snooping in her closet.)

For being a low talker.

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For being naked all the time, which was good at first — until she started doing unattractive things like coughing or opening pickle jars.

For not giving him a massage.

For being two-faced — she was attractive one day, not attractive the next.

For being “a sentence finisher.” (“It’s like dating mad libs.”)

For not tasting his pie.

Because George saw her naked.

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For believing she got gonorrhea from sitting on a tractor in a bathing suit.

For being too much like Jerry.

For kissing him in front of the Soup Nazi.

For having fake breasts — except they weren’t. (“They’re real, and they’re spectacular.”)


For “shh”-ing Jerry during a TV show.

For not thinking his stand up act was funny.

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For having a terrible laugh.

For not laughing at all.

For claiming she was Jerry’s wife to reap the benefits of his dry cleaning discount.

For liking the Dockers’ commercial.

For having been with (and getting dumped by!) Newman.

For being liked by his parents.

And finally: Jerry had to choose between a girl and getting to use his silly “Hello, La La Laaaa” voice because she didn’t think it was funny. He chose the latter.