The 17 Stages of the Dreaded Gym Date

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1. So you’re chillin’ at home

Maxin’, relaxin’, eatin’ wings or whatever.

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2. Then that dude you’ve been sporadically messaging on OKCupid asks you on a date.

“So like, we should hang this week.”

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3. But, it quickly devolves into a fitness scenario.

“Have you ever done Crossfit or Soul Cycle?” Apparently this is a thing.

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4. Everything in you says “Run, in a non-athletic way, away from this situation.”

But you’re young and naive and think you can change your entire personality for three hours.

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5. He probably thinks it’s gonna be like this.


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6. But you know it’s gonna be  like this.

“I’m real flexible.”

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7. So you get there, but apparently you don’t have the proper attire.

“What? Too much?”

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8. All the girls look like this.

“What in the!”

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9. But you’re just hangin’ like:

“Is it snack time yet?”

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10. So then you try some machines.

“Oh, I love working on my deltoids!”

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11.  But quickly realize you’re in far over your head.

“I’ll be fine.”

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12. So then they try to “train” you.

“Should I feel like I’m going to die?”

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13. And for a minute you think, “Hmm. This isn’t so bad!”

“Friends, family: this is the new me!”

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14. But then 45 seconds later the real you comes out.

“What the fuck is a protein shake?”

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15. And the false veneer you’ve been operating under unravels.

“When I said I enjoy ‘exercise’, I meant that in a purely sexual way.”

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16. So you quit.

“Later bitch. Bill me for the damage.”

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17. But if they ever want to grab tacos, you would not say no.

“You want some of this, boy?”

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[h/t New York Post]