Dealbreakers

There Is Literally No Possible Reason To Buy A ‘Pregnancy Pranking Kit’

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pregnancy test and ultrasound mother's womb

The Daily Mail reports that really awesome people are selling “pregnancy pranking kits” on the online. Because if there is one thing that is totally hilarious, it is a fake positive pregnancy test. Women love that shit. “Hahahaha,” said all the women. “That time when you replaced my actual pregnancy test with a fake pregnancy test and then I had a heart attack? That was the best time.” And what lady thinks she could really convince a guy she’s got a bun in the oven with one of these? That doesn’t even work on Nashville.

Oh wait. No woman ever said that. No not-fictional lady ever thought that. There are approximately zero occasions where a “pregnancy prank” would be appreciated. Not that there is no market for false tests, fake ultrasounds, prosthetic bellies, and pretend DNA results. Apparently there is absolutely a market for false tests, fake ultrasounds, prosthetic bellies, and pretend DNA results. People are the best.

For a mere $8, the paper says, Brits and non-Brits willing to pay international shipping can buy superfun falsely-positive pregnancy tests on eBay. Extra-hilarious pranksters can buy a whole nine months of yuks from FakeABaby.com, a website “dedicated to faking pregnancy — from conception to birth.” But don’t worry, FakeABaby.com has the absolute best of comedic intentions, which we know because all customers have to check a box promising not to use the kit for “purposes which may be illegal, immoral, fraudulent or hurtful to others.” And some of the fake pregnancy test vendors caution buyers that the “novelty test” is “meant for adult humor only and not to be used to cause distress or tension.”

That’s good. I definitely don’t want a fake pregnancy kit to be used for anything illegal, immoral, fraudulent, or hurtful, and I definitely don’t want them to cause distress or tension. Fake pregnancy kits should be used exclusively for fun, happy, non-distressing things, things so fun and happy and non-distressing that I cannot think of them now. Community theater, maybe? If you are the Gone Girl girl? That’s all I got.

Image via Veer