Buzzkills

82 Ridiculous (Real) Laws That Could Screw Up Your Love Life

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Aren’t you glad you don’t live in Old Timey days? Not only would you reek right now, but your dating life would be severely hindered by these outrageous laws. Some of these laws have been repealed, and in that case, it’s just interesting to think about why they were drummed up in the first place. But many of them are still around. (Blow jobs are still technically illegal in several states, like Maryland, but poor, unfortunate underfunded states are unable to form Anti-BJ committees, and the laws are largely uninforced.) Here are the craziest sex, love and relationship laws this country has seen:

You may not have more than two dildos in a house. (ARIZONA)

It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset. (CONNECTICUT)

It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday. (COLORADO and Hartford, Connecticut)

Women may walk in public topless provided they have their nipples covered. (NEW MEXICO)

Getting married on a dare is grounds for an annulment. (DELAWARE)

A marriage can be declared void if either of the two persons is physically impotent. (NORTH CAROLINA)

Alcohol may not be served in nightclubs if dancing is occurring on the premises at the same time. (DELAWARE)

A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. (FLORIDA)

While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.  (ALABAMA) 

It is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose. (ALABAMA)

When having sex, only the missionary position is legal. (FLORIDA)

You may not kiss your wife’s breasts. (FLORIDA)

All sex toys are banned. (GEORGIA)

If you want to read your favorite book in public to your friends, do it before 2:45 AM. (GEORGIA)

Incestuous marriages are legal. (ALABAMA)

Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits. (Caramel, California)

Dominoes may not be played on Sunday. (ALABAMA)

It is illegal to sell two beers are once for a single price.For example, a bar can’t run a 2 Bud Lights for $5 special. (GEORGIA) 

You may only have one alcoholic drink in front of you at a time. (HAWAII)

Years ago, it was illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds. (IDAHO)

You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time. (ALABAMA)

Doctors who treat a person with gonorrhea must report this to the local board of health and include the disease’s “probable origin”. (IOWA)

Within the city limits, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know. (IOWA)

It is a $500 fine to instruct a pizza delivery man to deliver a pizza to your friend without them knowing. (LOUISIANA)

Anyone arrested for soliciting a hooker must have their name and picture shown on television. (OKLAHOMA)

Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. (FLORIDA)

Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk. (PENNSYLVANIA)

No one may pour a drink out on the ground at any drive-in movie. (LOUISIANA)

You cannot kiss in front of a church. (MASSACHUSETTS)

A woman can not be on top in sexual activities. (MASSACHUSETTS)

Couples are banned from making love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicleis parked on the couple’s own property. (MICHIGAN)

It is illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday. (MICHIGAN)

It is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all. (MONTANA)

Persons with gonorrhea may not marry. (NEBRASKA)

You may not tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe. (NEW HAMPSHIRE)

Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime. (IDAHO)

Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. (FLORIDA)

It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public. (INDIANA)

Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void. (RHODE ISLAND)

A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public. (IOWA)

Nudity is allow, provided that male genitals are covered. (NEW MEXICO)

Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. (Repealed when Clint Eastwood was mayor) (Caramel, California)

State officials ordered 400 words of “sexually explicit material” to be cut from Romeo and Juliet. (NEW MEXICO)

It’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public. (NEW MEXICO)

Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business. (NEW YORK)

A man can’t go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match. (Caramel, California)

A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. (NEW YORK)

It’s against the law to kiss a woman that is sleeping. (COLORADO)

New Yorkers cannot dissolve a marriage for irreconcilable differences, unless they both agree to it. (NEW YORK)

The state definition of rape stated that it was a man having sex with a woman he knows not to be his wife.  (WISCONSIN)

During a concert, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks. (Greene, New York)

Firemen may not whistle or flirt at any woman passing a firehouse. (Huntington, West Virginia)

While having sex, you must stay in the missionary position and have the shades pulled. (NORTH CAROLINA)

If a man and a woman who aren’t married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then,according to state law, they are legally married. (NORTH CAROLINA)

Women must have their bodies covered by at least 16 yards of cloth at all times. (Charlotte, North Carolina)

A man may not seduce a woman by lying, and claiming he will marry her. (MISSISSIPPI)

Beer and pretzels can’t be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant. (NORTH DAKOTA)

If one is drunk in a mine, he or she could land in jail for up to a year. (WYOMING)

One may be jailed for wearing a hat while dancing, or even for wearing a hat to a function where dancing is taking place. (Fargo, North Dakota)

It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to pretend to have sex with a buffalo. (OKLAHOMA)

Students may not hold hands while at school. (TENNESSEE)

Pinball machines are not to be played on Sunday. (Ocean City, New Jersey)

It is a crime to share your Netflix password. (TENNESSEE)

Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 PM. (NEW YORK)

It’s illegal to possess realistic dildos. (Dallas, Texas)

Appearing in public places wearing a “lewd dress” is prohibited. (El Paso, Texas)

It’s legal for restaurants to serve wine with meals, but only if you ask for the wine list. (UTAH)

No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call. (UTAH)

It is illegal to tickle women. (VIRGINIA)

A man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman’s derriere. (Norfolk, Virginia)

It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs. (WEST VIRGINIA)

All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart. (NORTH CAROLINA)

It is illegal to have sex in a churchyard. (NORTH CAROLINA)

It is illegal to kiss on a train. (WISCONSIN)

Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another’s hamburger. (OKLAHOMA)

It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking. (WYOMING)

Hamburgers may not be eaten on Sundays. (MINNESOTA)

Oral sex is illegal. (FLORIDA, MARYLAND, ETC.)

It is illegal to teach others what polygamy is. (MISSISSIPPI)

It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. (TEXAS)

No person shall solicit sex from another of the same gender if it offends the second person. (OHIO)

Single men between the ages of twenty-one and fifty must pay an annual tax of one dollar (enacted in 1820). (MISSOURI)

[dumblaws]

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