Yahoo just published a list of the 10 worst sex injuries, and, well, they’re worse than we thought.
1. Cat Attack
According to Yahoo, cats attacking their owners while they (the owners!) are having sex is a super common sex-related injury.
“Unlucky pet owners have suffered deep cuts and scratches on their backs, butts or even worse places as a result of a mid-sex cat attack.”
What the hell, cats?! Point 1 for dogs.
2. Eye-Popping Orgasms
Talk about only having eyes for your partner…
“During particularly intense orgasms, the extreme increase in blood flow can actually lead to ruptured blood vessels in the eyes, causing temporarily reduced vision.”
3. Incorrect Lubrication
This happens when couples don’t have actual lube, so they grab the closest available thing, like, in one instance, nitroglycerin paste, which caused both couples to lose consciousness. Yikes.
4. Environmental Hazards
Like knocking the bed against the wall so hard that the lighting fixture on the ceiling comes crashing down and the glass cuts your face and mouth, as happened to one woman referenced in the article.
5. Swallowing Contraceptives
Oh man, not even safe sex is safe anymore.
“While performing oral sex, women have been known to accidentally swallow the condoms that their partners were wearing.”
I kind of refuse to believe that this is actually a thing. This can’t be a thing, right?
6. Glass Shards
Surprise, surprise, people often have sex after drinking alcohol. Unfortunately, sometimes the remnants of said alcohol consumption is too close for comfort: apparently, a very common sex-related injury involves rolling over glasses or beer bottles during sex, and getting shards of glass stuck in your body. Raunchy.
7. Heart Attacks
It doesn’t just happen in the movies! According to the Journal of American Medical Association, having sex actually triples your chance of a heart attack.
8. Pulling a Muscle
No matter how physically active you are, the chance of throwing out your back or pulling a muscle is always there during especially, ahem, acrobatic, sex.
9. Paralyzing Hickey
Hickeys may seem like innocent, middle-school level activities. But did you know that it’s actually possible to give such a strong hickey that it actually can cause a blot clot in your neck arteries, leading to minor stroke? Yep.
10. Minor Injuries
Even if you don’t end up needing to go to the hospital, the possibilities of sex injuries are abundant, from minor strains, carpet burns, bruises, and strained wrists and fingers. (Also, jaws? Sorry, gross.)
Oh, and if you’re wondering whether the most feared sex-related injury of all, a broken penis, is really possible, apparently yes, yes it is.
Happy Valentine’s Day!