Advice

Online Dating 101: Don’t Apologize For Yourself

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When you’re putting together your online dating profile, or messaging online, you’re basically “pitching” yourself. This doesn’t mean that you should stress too much about presenting yourself as the perfect guy/girl. It just means that apologizing for who you are and what you’re like is neither necessary nor attractive.

Being a bit playfully self-deprecating (ie. “I fall down on my face at least once a week,” or “I’m the most awkward person in the universe”) can be fine in person, when the person who is sitting across from you can see how charming and adorable you are.

Online, however, it seems like you’re trying to “warn” potential dates ahead of time, so that they won’t be disappointed by how lame you turn out to be. First of all. you’re not lame. Second, this is never the message you want to send.

Many people turn to self-deprecation because they don’t want to “toot their own horn.” In that case, it may be best to avoid listing your qualities and simply talk about your interests. For example, if you want to make it clear that you “don’t do well in crowds,” just talk about the kinds of places you do like — coffee shops, hole-in-the-wall bars, weekday matinee at the movies. They’ll get the idea.

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