Advice

Your Sheets Might Be Ruining Your Sex Life.

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Okay boys, I’m just going to be blunt: your bedsheets could be scaring away women, and keeping them from having sex with you.

A recent poll by Drapers Magazine in the UK shows that bed sheets are one of the biggest dealbreakers for women, with sports team sheets voted as the #1 turn-off for the 2,000 women pollled.

Shockingly, 18% of single people admitted that their parents still change their sheets. (Uhm, this is why you’re single: you live with your parents and they clean your room.)

An even worse statistic is that over 1/5th of singletons only change their bedsheets once a month.

Do you KNOW how many epithelial tissue you shed on an average night, let alone a month? It’s like sleeping in skin. Not to mention what other stuff might be in your sheets after a month.

When a girl sleeps over at a guy’s house, rationally, she knows that there’s a chance the sheets on the bed are not brand new. Deep down, she understands that they might have been slept in a few times prior to her arrival. But there’s a willing suspension of disbelief that must occur in order to actually get in the bed.

If you don’t change your sheets for a month, it makes it really, really hard for us to get in that bed.

I knew a guy once who told me the brilliant system he’d come up with to avoid washing his sheets–he just went over them with a lint roller instead!

Having sex on the floor should be recreational, not a safety preventative because your sheets are too disgusting.

Just as much of a turn-off as clean sheets are sheets or comforters with Star Wars or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on them. These make us want to tuck you in, give you a kiss on the forehead, and then slowly tiptoe out of the room and out the front door. Cartoon sheets scream man child, and man child is not sexy.

But at least those sheets are clean.

Also, black silk sheets? Sorry, no. It’s just too impossible to take you seriously when you have black silk sheets. Not even Clooney could get away with that.

If you’re guilty of any of these misdemeanors (and your sex life is suffering because of it), get yourself some new sheets. Tom Delavan suggested to us some nice sheets in cement, dark grey, and ivory colors, which would match practically every bedspread.

It’s an investment you(r sex life) won’t regret.

[What Your Star Wars Duvet Says About You]

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