Advice

The Crazy Things GUYS do on Facebook

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Alright, so Chiara revealed some facebook practices women indulge in – none of which were very surprising to any men who have close female friends – and it’s raised an interesting question, which is: do men have any similarly stalker-ish/passive-aggressive-ish tendencies on The Facebook?

Definitely, I say…but in different ways. And I don’t know that I’d call all of them crazy, because I maybe possibly have and will likely again indulge in some of them myself.

Here they are:

1. Seeing if she matches my 3am memory – Thank you, facebook, for sparing us 21st-century men the traumas of our fathers, which was setting up a date with a girl late late late on a Friday night, only to discover upon meeting her for said date (in better lighting?) that she does not exactly match my recollection. Now we can look up that new name on the interweb Saturday morning and reassess if needed. (*Also valuable for checking other items that social lubricant may have glossed over, including artistic taste, employment status, and whether she’s maybe, actually, oops!, married.)

2. Designed to impress – Totally and perpetually guilty of this one. Some men post pictures and status updates with hopes of impressing a girl they like but haven’t yet gotten up the guts to go after (or, if it’s long-distance, who they can’t go after). Examples include 1) picture of Guy nonchalantly posing with John Krasinski, with caption reading, “Look who I just bumped into”, and 2) status update reading, “Just finished (book by author Guy knows that Girl loves), thought it was amazing.”

3. Don’t believe the lies: guys notice when a dude posts on his girlfriend’s wall – Some men brush it off, some men confront her about who the hell that guy is that wrote on her wall…and some men just write a post on her wall just above the dude’s post that subtly makes fun of it, hints at the amazing sex they’re enjoying, and usually ends with a sarcastic “;)”.

4. Purposely piss off the boyfriend that she’s too good for – A lesser-practiced one, but very potent when needed. There’s that girl you know who’s totally with the wrong guy, and you think she should be with you. Facebook allows for public-yet-not-too-overt demonstrations of these facts, such as posting a clip from last night’s Rachel Maddow on her wall, which you know will lead to like 14 comments back-and-forth between you and her, and a decision to get coffee soon to discuss it further, but nothing from the boyfriend, cause he’s more of a “Big Bang Theory” kind of guy, you know? Like it really just doesn’t make sense that they’re together at – GOD WHY ISN’T SHE WITH ME INSTEAD.

5. Getting over the break-up – Guys are not, in my estimation, nearly as intentional as the ladies on this one, but they’re definitely guilty of it (cognisant or not). Posting carefully-crafted statuses and pictures after a break-up is standard operating procedure in 2011: it’s just part of how break-ups work now. Some guys go out of their way to post pictures from the bar surrounded by throngs of exposed midriffs, some change their profile pic to one at the ball game in which he happens to have his arm around the girl he knows his ex always hated, and some are subtle enough to hint in their status update that they’re finally going to that Thing that He and Her had always talked about going to…prompting her, hopefully, to comment “You’re going without me? :(“ At least, that’s the plan.

Earlier: The Crazy Things Women Do On Facebook

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