Oh happy day! The most dashing man on the planet is single again, which means it’s time for any interested girls to really up their dating game. Are you smooth enough to win over George Clooney if he should happen to walk into a room? These things take preparation.
Look, at HowAboutWe, we don’t encourage people to be anything but themselves. Everyone who’s ever seen a teen comedy knows that you should never change yourself for a man.
But this isn’t a man we’re talking about.
This is Clooney.
Some drastic measures might be necessary.
1. Be A Brunette
Historically, Clooney has shown a preference for brunette women. In fact, we haven’t seen him with a blonde since he starred in “One Fine Day” with Michelle Pheiffer. If your locks are anything lighter than chestnut, you might want to go a shade or two darker. You can always dye it back once you’re happily installed in his villa on Lake Como.
2. Become an actress, or a waitress. Either works.
George meets his women in two places: in Hollywood (Kelly Preston, Talia Belsam, Krista Allen) or in restaurants (Sarah Larsen, Celine Balitran). Because of time restrictions, you might be better off going for the restaurant gig.
3. Get A Pet Pig That You Just Adore
Clooney’s longest and most committed relationship was with his pet pig, Max. Max is credited with saving Clooney’s life by waking him up before the 1994 Northridge Earthquake, and Clooney even let the pig sleep in his bed.
No matter how much you try, you will never be as beloved to Clooney as Max was, but bonding over your shared love of pot-bellied pigs could be a good way to forge a connection.
4. Have A Cause
He may go after models, but Clooney is a serious guy who campaigns for serious issues, such as relief to Darfur and climate change. Start a foundation, organize a benefit, and get involved. Worst case scenario: even if you don’t catch Clooney’s eye, you’re still making a difference.
5. Hang out in Como
Clooney enjoys hanging out at his beautiful Villa Oleandra in Italy, and if you suspect you also would enjoy hanging out there, you should start by spending time in the town of Como. Apparently, Clooney is beloved in the village for always being affable, courteous to shopkeepers, and often willing to grab a drink with the locals. Start practicing your Italian now.
6. Get A Motorcycle
Motorcycles: Clooney loves ’em. But his ex-girlfriend broke her arm while riding with him. Weak! Show Clooney you are made of stronger, cooler, stuff, and learn how to ride your own.
7. Practice Discretion
Clooney’s most recent ex, Elisabetta Canalis, recently told the press that marriage might be in the cards for her and Clooney. Did they break up because marriage was absolutely not in the cards? Or because she blabbed about their relationship in the press? To win Clooney over, you’ve got to prove to him that you have absolutely no interest in the limelight. The premieres, the red carpets, the fame? You’re unmoved. In fact, you could be perfectly content never talking to a reporter, but rather leading a simpler, quieter life: sunning yourself by the villa’s pool, staring into George’s deep brown eyes…