Vegans: they’re just like us! I mean, some of them are just like us. Some of them are nuts. But a lot of them, or at least a bunch of them, are relatively normal people who enjoy things that human people enjoy, like movies and music and pictures of cats on the internet. Not only that, it is absolutely possible to find one who doesn’t regularly compare factory farming to Auschwitz. You can do it! And you should do it, or at least, you shouldn’t not do it, because while apparently 30 percent of Americans wouldn’t even date a vegetarian, they are absolutely missing out. Because while you definitely don’t have to go for-real vegan to be with one, your days of romantic egg-steak-cheese-gelatin dinners are gone. Which is fine — giving up honey for your honey comes with some serious perks.
1. When you tell people you are eating mostly vegan now, they will compliment your skin. Your skin will get so many compliments. Mostly, this is because no one has any idea what to say to you, but it will not matter. You will feel great. Because of the compliments, I mean. Your skin (my skin) hasn’t actually changed.
2. Everyone will think you are a good person. They may think you are a crazy person (see above), but they will also find you deeply ethical and apologize a lot about their own dietary preferences, which were also your dietary preferences until five minutes ago. But now that you are dating a vegan, you can only smile magnanimously and offer reassurance that you’re sure they’re doing the right thing for them.
3. Similarly, everyone will think you are a healthy person. You are not a healthy person. Before, you were a couch-to-5K failure who ate meat. Now, you are a Couch-to-5K failure who is mildly anemic. Whatever, though, because your new body is a kale temple.
4. You will save money. Sort of. You will not actually save money, because produce is expensive and spoils quickly, but because all budget guides ever have assured you that vegetarianism, and by extension, veganism, will basically pay for your student loans. There is no evidence in your bank account that this is actually true, but it feels true, and that’s the important thing.
5. You will become the best at cooking. This is controversial, but here’s the thing: what choice do you have? There are only so many naked portobello mushrooms on buns/in wraps/over noodles/on rice you can eat before you get real interested in the culinary arts. Also, you will learn what eggs actually do in baking (everything) and how to replicate it (apple cider vinegar, not flax, don’t fall for that bullshit).
6. All vacations will have built-in itineraries. You will never, ever wake up in a new place and wonder what to do. You will know what to do: find a vegan restaurant, walk there, eat there, repeat. See the city in vegetables, no decision-making necessary.
7. Whatever your food issues are, you are now entitled to them. Allergies? Preferences? A lot of conflicted feelings? Great! You can be as weird about eating as you want. What are they gonna say about it? They’re vegan.
Image via Veer
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