We teamed up with Bowlmor to bring you a guide on how to be confident and impress on a first date. Whether you are going bowling, for ice cream, or just a drink, you will be at your best.
The first thing any guy has to know about chivalry is that it can never be practiced with the expectation of getting something in return. One can only be chivalrous by being genuinely thoughtful and courteous and just generally nice. Women know if you’re being smarmy and playing the “nice guy” angle, and they will resent you for it. So in order for any of this to work, you have to mean it. And if she’s not feeling it, back off. Being nice doesn’t mean you don’t have to read signals, and just because you’re being nice doesn’t mean your attention is welcome. There’s a fine line between chivalrous and creepy. But if you follow these suggestions, sourced from women and genuinely chivalrous guys, you’ll probably be alright.
Be the best-dressed guy in the room
Don’t overdress for the occasion (no need to be the one guy in a seersucker suit when everyone else is wearing t-shirts and boat shoes), but wear well-fitting, high-quality, carefully considered clothing. Even if it’s just a gray t-shirt and jeans, make sure it’s a buttery t-shirt and crisp jeans. She thought about how she dressed, so you should show you respect her effort by meeting her in kind. Trust me, she’ll notice.
Keep her company
Say the squad goes bowling. If you and your friends happen to get your shoes before her, wait with her in the line instead of leaving her behind. It may have happened that you were at the front of the line and she was at the back. Your other friends were in between, and they got their shoes and went off to the lane, oblivious to the fact that this nice lady is waiting all by her lonesome. She’s watching them wistfully, having so much fun without her while she’s stuck here in this never ending line. So you get right back into that line with her. You may already have your shoes, but you’re patient, and you stand there with her until she’s ready. FOMO averted.
Notice when something is happening
If there’s an un-chivalrous dude bothering her, ask her if she wants you to talk to him. She’ll probably say no, but she’ll appreciate that you’re willing to stand up for her. If you’re in the pit and she’s getting thrashed, gently pull her in front of you so she can take a breather while your back absorbs the blows. It’s very chivalrous to acknowledge that it can be hard to be a woman out in the world.
Just make an effort, dude
It can be hard for guys to pay attention to other people’s feelings. But if you really want to impress her, be proactive about making her feel good. Know what she’s thinking before she has to say it. Get out of your own head and into hers. If you’re not naturally attuned to other people’s emotions, it may take some work in therapy. But once you do, you’ll be an emotional superhero.
And do the little, thoughtful things, too
Share your umbrella, walk on the outside, carry heavy stuff (ask first!) How much of this little traditional stuff is appreciated depends on the woman, but nobody likes to get rained on. The guy with the umbrella is appreciated.
Say goodbye properly
Walk her to her door. If you left separately, check to make sure she got home alright. Just a little goodnight text, you know?
And there you have it. If you do these things, the object of your affection will think you’re a modern Lancelot. And say it with me: “no expectations.”