Match.com is helping dog lovers find human love with doggy dating mixers because dating can be intimidating, and also because dogs are adorable. This is brilliant in basically every possible way. Just in case some of the ways in which this is brilliant are not totally self-evident, let us review them below.
1. The mixer is called “Bark in the Park.” Yes, this is also what the MLB calls its special dog baseball games, but given that everything should always be called Bark in the Park, I have no objections.
2. Some people don’t like dogs. Those people are heartless lunatics, but sometimes they are very nice heartless lunatics, and you might want to date them. However, they will not want to date you, because you have a dog. At Bark in the Park, you will not meet these people, because you are at a dating event called Bark in the Park.
3. Dogs are basically conversation starters on four legs. Talking to strangers you might like to date is hard, but talking to strangers you might like to date about their dogs is easy. For example, “How old?” is a thing you could totally reasonably say. Or “What kind is he?” Or “Is that a Chihuahua-Beagle mix, or are you just happy to see me?”
4. The posters advertising this event are being displayed at normal eye level, but they are also being displayed at dog-eye-level. The dog-eye-level posters are scented with a “beefy dog food aroma to make them irresistible to canines.” To repeat, this event is being advertised with beefy dog food aroma.
5. You and every other person at this dog dating event have at least one thing in common, which is that you have dogs. (Two things, really: you are also at a dating event.) Think of how much you have in common now! You are both responsible. You both have very good taste in pets. You both are covered in matted dog fur.
6. Dogs can introduce you to partners you never considered. For example, that lady isn’t your usual type, but her Shiba Inu sure is your dog’s usual type. This couple got married because their dogs fell in love in guide-dog school. That couple could be you. Bark in the Park could be your guide-dog school.
Tragically, the event is to be held at London’s Battersea Park, which is great if you’re an English person, or an English Sheepdog. Those of us stuck stateside must settle for Barking in other, more American Parks.