Australian rapper-model-wise person Iggy Azalea just revealed that her first date with her Lakers star boyfriend Nick Young was cruisin’ the aisles of Target. “I was like, Target is my favorite place, I wanna go to Target!” she told New York radio station Power 105.1. She clarifies that she and Young didn’t actually eat at Target — they “went out to a nice restaurant with linen tablecloths” afterward, she says. Target was just the activity, like a movie, or a romantic hike, but better, since “you really get to know someone in a Target.”
Correct, Iggy Azalea. This is correct on all counts: while the dining options are indeed limited, Target is a fantastic first date location. I know this because like Iggy Azalea, I have also been to Target on a first date. Also like Iggy Azalea, we went to a restaurant afterwards. (Unlike Iggy Azelea, my restaurant did not have linen tablecloths — what am I, an Australian superstar?) It is a combo I cannot recommend highly enough.
First of all, everybody loves Target. Everybody loves Target. Once, I covered a protest outside a Target in Chicago. The picketers were justifiably upset about Target’s politics (the corporation eventually apologized). Also, though, the picketers were upset that they could not shop at Target. Even people who are literally protesting Target love Target. Even people who have had their identities stolen thanks to Target love Target. There is no other place in America so universally beloved, except maybe Disney World, or wherever nacho cheese comes from. There is someone who doesn’t like everything, but there is no one who doesn’t like Target. As a date location, Target is whimsical — hahaha we are adorably at Target! — but also risk-free. Is your date a human? Awesome. Then your date is into Target.
Also, though, a Target date is practical. My date, for example, needed tension rods to hang some curtains in his bedroom. As someone potentially invested in the future state of his bedroom — it was a good date — I was interested in this project. Also, there is nothing I love more than a good home improvement project that I do not have to pay for or execute. That I had also recently bought curtain rods, and therefore had much to say about this topic, was icing on the cake. I got to feel useful and curtain-savvy, we got to play-act couplehood in a low-stakes setting, and he got a sweet set of totally serviceable curtain rods. It’s win-win all around. Even if our date had been a total disaster, the dude still would have taken care of his curtain rod issue. Obviously, though, the date was not a disaster, as evidenced by the fact that we were at Target.
At Target, you learn things about each other, important things, Azelea says, like “what kinda quilts are you into, what are your favorite movies, what kinda snacks do you like?” I might argue that Target, or at least my most local Target, is not, in fact, the best place for expressing my taste in movies, unless my favorite movie is a second-string romcom from 2009, but that’s a minor quibble. In general, Target is indeed an excellent place to learn things. How does your date feel about the sale on $6 styrofoam owls? (A bargain, correct!) What is their favorite kind of kitchen utensil and are they as charmed by brightly colored spatulas? What are their thoughts on designer guest collections? And also, do they need any curtain rods?
Target is intimate, but in a non-threatening, commercial way. You are laid back, Target says, but also, you are capable of commitment. You are invited into my life, Target says, and also my life is fun and cheap and designed by Orla Kiely. The only downside is that you can’t really buy underwear on a first date, even if there is a very good sale — that’s 10th date stuff right there. You’ll just have to go back.
[h/t The Cut]