Men Love Breakfast and There Is Nothing You Can Do About It

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Here’s the thing about men, says the Telegraph: they love breakfast. Just love it. Can’t get enough of it — full Welsh breakfast*, full Scottish breakfast*, full Salopian breakfast*, full Hull breakfast* — they’ll take them all. They want sausage. They want bacon. They want beans and tomatoes (British people). They want potatoes. They want fried eggs. They want other eggs. As long as it adds up to 1500 calories or so of protein-carbs-grease, they’re in.

But why? Women, notes writer/chief breakfast investigator Chris Moss, just don’t have the same passion for breakfast. They’re content with muesli, for god’s sake, he points out. Could it be, he asks, that dudes are “instinctively drawn to bacon and sausages in a way that females aren’t?”

Apparently, yes. Or at least, sort of. From the time they’re little, boys are more drawn to high-protein foods than their female peers. Part of that has to do with energy needs. Part of that, probably, has to do with social conditioning — girls are supposed to like healthy foods, etc. Those early preferences tend to stick into adulthood. The little boy who likes full Salopian breakfasts becomes a grown man who also likes full Salopian breakfasts.

But it’s more than that, Moss argues. Men’s love of breakfast goes deeper. Women, he says, tend to be better tasters. They are more sensitive to smell than their male counterparts. Their taste experiences are more intense, which lets them enjoy dainty foods like dry muesli while men need powerful man-flavored things. History is a factor, too: traditionally, men “see food as ‘fuel’ and prefer large portions of meat-based product,” one man-food expert tells Moss.

So I guess, you know, make your boyfriend breakfast? Or if you are a boyfriend, make yourself breakfast? Or everyone eat breakfast now? What choice do you have really? The lure of a full morning meal, apparently, is too powerful for any one man to resist. Which is fine. Even — even! — as a muesli-eating, vegetarian woman, I can acknowledge the truth: breakfast is delicious. Also, please give me your potatoes — despite my woman-ness, I really like those.

*British things.