We’ve all been on the first date where nothing inherently terrible actually happens, but the date amounts to a whole pile of awful. The stages of that date are as follows.
Stage 1: You’re leaving and your friends tell you to get excited. It’ll be great!
Stage 2: You get to the place and scan the crowd for your date.
Stage 3: You’re seated.
Stage 4: It’s been four minutes.
Stage 5: You’ve been waiting 30 minutes.
Stage 6: You think about leaving.
Stage 7: Your date finally walks in. You get their attention.
Stage 8: You look on while they get all of their personal items firmly situated on the chair.
Stage 9: You’ve already hit a silent patch.
Stage 10: The waiter brings the menus and you now have something else to look at.
Stage 11: Your date tries to make a chummy joke with the waiter. No one laughs.
Stage 12: Your date says their favorite type of music is “anything other than country and rap.”
Stage 13: And that their favorite movie as a kid was The Princess Bride.
Stage 14: But now they think the movie is “juvenile”.
Stage 15: You’re in the middle of a story that reminds your date of a great story, which they immediately launch into telling.
Stage 16: Your date seems incredibly bored, even while chewing.
Stage 17: You crack a punny joke and your date doesn’t smile.
Stage 18: Your date starts talking about their semester abroad in Prague.
Stage 19: Your date asks how you feel about Prague.
Stage 20: Your date asks if you’d like some chocolate lava cake.
Stage 21: You wordlessly decide to go halfzies on the bill.
Stage 22: You say goodbye.
Stage 23: It’s over.
Stage 24: You get home and turn to the TV for comfort.
Stage 25: While channel surfing, you stumble upon yet another happy couple.
Stage 26: Tucked in for the night.
Stage 27: You thank him for Inception-ing your dreams.