Oh man, the malls are going to be swamped this weekend. Everyone will be pants shopping! Pants for mom, pants for dad, pants for grandma, pants for the mailman. But you’ll be at home on the couch, sipping on mulled wine and building a mashed potato castle on your plate, because you already found the best pants of the millennium. You can rest easy, because you’re the one who got these pants made out of human skin.
They are made from real Icelandic sorcerer’s skin, which is the only skin you will accept in a pant, and they are totally seventeenth-century vintage. A sorcerer made them out of another sorcerer to gain his magical powers, which means they are handcrafted and certified organic, obviously. Very chic, very you, very skin.