Drunk Wedding Guest Steals Pricey Nude Portrait, Gets Ridiculous Punishment to Fit His Crime

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Naked cigar lady

A drunk wedding guest at The Citizen Hotel in Sacramento took home an unexpected keepsake from the ceremony. He spotted this portrait of a naked woman astride a cigar (your guess is as good as mine) in the bathroom and absconded with it in his bag.

Hotel staff eventually tracked him down through security camera footage and “some amateur detective work on Google and LinkedIn.” Instead of involving the police, they simply demanded that the man sit down and write the sentence “I will never again get drunk at a wedding and steal the Naked Cigar Picture above the urinal in the Citizen Hotel” over and over again. Here’s what that looked like.


Here’s what that would’ve looked like if the same events had taken place in Springfield.


The Citizen Hotel plans to rehang the portait with the thief’s apology letter alongside it.

[h/t Metro]

Images via CBS Sacramento and Bart Simpson Chalkboard Sign Generator