As a Southerner, I get it: to the rest of the country, our food seems a little strange. Pigs’ feet, chitlins, giblets – we eat some weird things. (I live in New York now, where people trust strangers to sell them pale brown hot dogs that have been soaking in tepid, murky water for hours and hours.) But listen, you’re going to hear about this story out of Georgia, and I want to use my ambassadorial privileges as a Dixie representative to say, unambiguously, this snack is not on our menus.
An Athens woman bit her boyfriend’s penis. Granted it was through his pants, but still. That’s what happened, all right? Those are the facts. Here are some nice things we have in the South: fresh peaches; relatively sunny weather; banjo music. We also have this woman who bit her boyfriend’s penis through his pants. Fine. Like your region doesn’t have any skeletons in its closet? (I’m looking at you, Pacific Northwest.)
Here’s the deal: in Athens, Georgia, police responded to call about a domestic disturbance. The couple had been fighting, and the man involved had allegedly pulled his girlfriend’s hair and shoved her. She, allegedly, scratched his neck and chest. Also, she allegedly bit his penis, allegedly right through his pants. As of press time, we could not confirm the fabric of the trousers involved in the incident. All of this is so not cool.
But seriously, domestic violence is no joke. If you’re experiencing any abuse or feel threatened, seek some help right away. And please come visit America’s South. We have peanuts.
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