Benjamin Franklin was a Founding Father, an inventor, a highly presidential non-president, and an adulterer extraordinaire. On a scale of 1 to advanced syphilis, dude got around. When he wasn’t too busy copulating with at least 80 percent of all the women in France, the first-ever Postmaster General made sure to share his considerable wisdom with others. In 1745, he wrote a letter advising a friend “on the choice of a mistress.”
This young man had apparently asked Franklin how to deal with his “violent natural Inclinations” (uh, yikes). First and foremost, Franklin encouraged him to settle down and get married. But until then, he writes, “…in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones.” Here’s why.
Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. …there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman. [Older women: ugly. But older women: nice.]
Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc’d may be attended with much Inconvenience. [Rawdog or naw, dog.]
Because thro’ more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. [Cougars can keep it on the DL.]
Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy. [It’s all about experience.]
…covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey… [Self-explanatory. Also, horrifying.]
They are so grateful!! [Don’t flatter yourself, Ben.]