How to Become a Cat Guy/Gentleman/Dude: Tips from Michael Showalter

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Esq-083013-Cat-Lady-PuTX0a-Advice“If I get a cat, will I ever get laid again?”

Guys, if you’re asking that question, you’re officially “cat-curious.” And you need to own it. Immediately.

In his new book Guys Can Be Cat Ladies Too, comedian Michael Showalter asserts that far too often, men are sent into states of maladjustment thanks to years of pet-related gender divides. This becomes tricky when a one-tue-love is revealed to be an impassioned kitten-owner. Showalter, the proud father of four felines and a self-proclaimed Cat Lady, finds a solution in Tootsie. To be a better man, one must become a Cat Lady. It’s a delicate process — as one might be able to tell from my own attempts, featured in Showalter’s interview with Esquire (and seen above), Cat Lady stereotypes are easy to slip into. Don’t be that guy who wears a wolf sweater.

“By learning the ways of the cat, you’re learning how to be more nurturing and more sensitive and more attentive in your other relationships because cats are mysterious and enigmatic creatures — and maybe more importantly, you’re learning how to love yourself,” Showalter tells Esquire.

To help guys on the verge of Cat Ladydom, Showalter created a series of instructional videos to ease into the new lifestyle. They’re purrfect and hair-larious. Oh boy… maybe I’m not completely trained yet.

How to Pet Your Cat:

How to Pick Up and Hold Your Cat

How to Scratch Your Cat’s Belly

How to Perform Belly Massage on Your Cat

Matt Patches is a writer and reporter living in New York City. His work has been featured on New York Magazine’s Vulture,,, MTV, and he is the host of the pop culture podcast Operation Kino. He continues to love Groundhog Day.