Funny

A Guide To Holiday Gifts That Will Convince Someone To Break Up with You

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Couple fighting

As stressful as the holidays are for anyone over the age of 12, the seasonal strain can be even more intense when you’re in a relationship you want to 86. If you’re still in need of a present for the special guy or gal who’s literally driving you insane (like, clinical diagnosis insane), we’ll help you find the greatest gift of all: your freedom.

Anything Personalized, with Their Name Misspelled

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Or, for the bold, personalized with an entirely different name altogether.

Delicious Snacks They’re Deathly Allergic To

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“Since when don’t you like shellfish, soy, and peanut butter cookies with extra gluten? Wow, babe. You’ve really changed.”

Something They Own that You Stole and Threw into a Gift Bag

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Alternately, hastily rewrapping a present they gave you last year will do just fine.

A Gift Card with Exactly 45 Cents Left on It

Starbucks card

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“I know you love coffee, hon, so I was thinking that I might treat you to two ounces of it. No more, no less.”

Candy Canes

Candy canes

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Everybody hates candy canes. Don’t be an idiot. Or, in this case, do be an idiot.

Nude Photos of Yourself (with Someone Else)

Beautiful naked couple

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“I mean, I couldn’t have posed with you, silly. That would’ve totally ruined the surprise.”

Clothes That Really Don’t Fit (Not Even Close)

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While some romantic gift-givers prefer an X-rated present, you should be thinking more along the lines of XXXL.

10 Puppies

christmas chihuahuas

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“You like puppies, right? Well, this is literally ten times better than a puppy. By the way, most of the litter suffers from severe health problems that will require your constant supervision. Also, none of them have been housebroken.”

Absolutely Nothing

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While you’re at it, take a hint from Olivia Newton-John’s boyfriend and fake your own death (yup, that really happened).

Please don’t try this at home. Grown-ups use their words to end relationships.

Image via Veer

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