No Thank You

I’m Not Trying to Online Date a Cat, So Don’t Make a Profile For One

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An unsettling phenomenon is taking over the online dating world:

Exhibit A.


Exhibit B.


Let’s quickly disregard the fact that I match 64% with someone whose profile picture is a cat and examine the bigger issue here: what the actual fuck?

When you pose as a cat trolling for play, what are you actually hoping to get out of it? “I really like your zany, devil-may-care attitude, online cat man. Would you like to engage in some sexual congress with me this evening?”

As my top matches are already circus performers and magicians, throwing cats in the mix just makes my sexuality that much more confusing. The joy of online dating is getting to spy inside of someone’s life before date one, not getting a glimpse inside their cat taxi.

“Cat boiz” of Brooklyn, please cease and desist. (Unless you put up a dog pic. Then I’m into it.)