Some things shouldn’t have a 24-karat gold counterpart. Necco’s Sweethearts candies are one of them. And yet, this year, the candy company decided to render those generic messages in solid gold, for only $20,000 per four-pack. Because, you know, splurging on roses, dinner, and a Whitman’s sampler on Valentine’s Day isn’t enough. But at least you can eat the sampler—what am I supposed to do with solid gold hearts? Taking it to the nearest cash-for-gold setup sounds oddly appealing. (I’ll use it to buy more samplers for my loved one, if that helps.)
Because there’s a limited supply of 14 packs available, Necco’s selling these babies first come, first served. Which is fine, since Kanye is going to buy them all up for Kim anyway. For those of us who don’t have Yeezus’ budget, Necco also offers customizable messages and “Tweethearts”—for $30 a pound, you can tweet the Valentine’s Day message of your choosing to @tweethearts, and voila! Customized candies. I’m going to eat them by the handful no matter what they say, because they’re actually edible and not made of solid gold.