A few weeks ago, we ran a story on a hilariously specific list of traits British men look for in the perfect girlfriend, including “likes skinny jeans and miniskirts” and “wears a 34C bra.”
But according to a Japanese men’s magazine, which Twitter user @Marrie_swag recently tweeted about, the 23-point checklist of things you need to be the perfect Japanese girlfriend makes its Brit equivalent look downright reasonable:
1. A cute (as opposed to sexy) face, dimples when she smiles, and natural-looking makeup.
2. Long, black, slightly teased hair.
3. Height: 160 centimeters (or 5’3″)
4. Weight: 48 kilograms (106 pounds)
5. Breast size: C cups
6. Would rather tease others than be teased by them.
7. Smells like soap.
8. A personality that runs hot and cold.
9. Often says, “You dummy” (but in a sweet way).
10. Wears “cute” clothes.
11. Hobby: Cooking
12. Favorite type of music: Rock
13. Favorite food: Green tea ice cream
14. Gets good grades in arts and literature classes.
15. Above average grades, but not at the top of the class.
16. In the dance club at school.
17. Dislikes exercising.
18. Comes from a family of two children, with one younger brother.
19. Has a toy poodle for a pet.
20. Favorite manga: One Piece.
21. Works part-time at a café.
22. Often uses the “Mogu Mogu Brown” teddy bear emoji on LINE, the popular Japanese messaging app.
23. If you ask her what kind of guy she likes, she’ll say, “Someone who’s kind, like you.”
To the men who print this magazine, take it from someone who would get above average (but not top) marks for the title of Most Flawed Japanese Girlfriend Ever (starting with 1. Is not actually Japanese): When you’re concerning yourself with what kinds of emojis your ideal girlfriend does or does not use, you should not be allowed to have a girlfriend, period. Not to mention it’s statistically improbable that you’ll magically stumble upon a plethora of C-cup sporting, exercise-hating women with 18.8 body mass indexes. You dummy.