How to Initiate a Kiss

Pin it

1. First You Have to Touch
In kissing as in life, you usually can’t just go from zero to sixty, and locking lips when you haven’t made any other sort of physical contact yet is definitely not for the shy or tentative.

So, once you decide you want to kiss someone, break the physical barrier ASAP, by touching their waist, arm, hand, back, initiating a game of thumb war, whatever works. “Something to cross that barrier of not-touching to ‘I see where this is going’,” says the blogger behind Date By Numbers. “You want to make sure they’re receptive to you being intimate before you go a kiss.”

If they recoil at your touch, well, a kiss is probably not in the cards for you tonight. But if they reciprocate, you’re golden, as it’s much easier to kiss someone when you’re already touching.

Related: The Worst First Kiss in the World, Caught on Camera

2. Make eye-contact with their lips.

Okay, sure, it sounds really creepy written out like that. But it works! If you two are talking, look at his or her mouth which sends the subliminal message that you’re thinking about kissing. It seems a bit obvious in the light of day, but when it comes to making a first kiss happen, you need to be obvious. (I hasten to add, don’t stare solely at their mouth — break for a little eye contact now and then, and if after a while you still haven’t gone in for a kiss, switch strategies.)

3. Get close, lean in
Going in for a kiss can be really scary, so for your sake you want to make the transit time as short as possible, to minimize the agonizing “oh my godddd” while your head travels to theirs, so move close. Know that once you get to a certain amount of closeness, even if you’re just talking, it becomes pretty obvious that a kiss is going to happen. This is okay! You’re both on the same page, otherwise he or she would move back and continue conversing at a normal distance.

4. Touch their face
If you need one more beat before working up the nerve to kiss, touch their face or their hair. It’s intimate, sweet, and creates one more little bridge between “Not Kissing” and “Kissing.” Once you’re ready (and seriously, don’t take all night!), you can use your hand on their face or head to tilt their face towards yours or (gently! not insistently) pull them in.

Related: The Guy I’m Dating Won’t Kiss With Tongue

5. Close your eyes and move in!
It’s the build-up, anticipation, and fear of rejection which makes kissing so scary — but the kissing itself is usually fine, great, even! And if you’ve gotten this far without having the other person shrug as far away from you as possible, you can be pretty darn sure they want to kiss you as much as you want to kiss them. So just close your eyes and move in.

Other Moves to Consider
Crowd-sourced from various friends of HowAboutWe on GChat and Facebook

“On Saturday, I just moved closely to him and gently pushed his neck up and kissed him. I knew he wanted to kiss me, so wham! Bam! Thank ya ma’am!” -Ryan

“He walked me home and we hugged and he was like ‘I’m gonna kiss you on the cheek if that’s okay,’ and I nodded and he did. And then he was like ‘I’m going to kiss your neck now’ and then he did. And then he was like ‘I’m going to kiss you now if that’s okay’ and then he did, and it sounds SO cheesy when i type it out but it was unbelievably sweet and sexy at the time.” -Claudia

“The only way I know how to it is lean my head on someone’s shoulder. Seems to work!” – Stephanie

“If you’re drunk enough and the moment seizes you just grab them!” – Mara

“You have to find an excuse to sit near them, like ‘Lets watch The Fresh Prince of Bel Air on your phone.’ And then if the chemistry is right, you just go for it.” – Christopher

Do you have a fail-proof kiss initiating strategy? Share in the comments!