I’m sitting in Starbucks, two tables away from a young woman/silver fox couple, and I have never been so appalled by an unabashed show of PDA in my entire life. It must be noted that, once, in a particularly abhorrent Twilight movie screening, I sat two seats away from a couple having sex. Apparently, two is not my number.
In any event, I think we can all agree that sex in public does not fall into the category of PDA. It’s indecent exposure. However, even when no skin or sexual acts are involved, PDA can still be nauseating.
Some PDA moments should be allowed:
1. Intimate laughing, which descends into kissing.
It’s the natural order of things.
2. Crying, hugging, kissing while saying goodbye on any platform (trains or boats or planes).
You need a little sugar to fondly remember them by while you’re away.
3. Clasping hands tightly.
Toddlers do it with their moms. You can do it with your boyfriend.
4. Patting partner’s leg and allowing hand to rest there.
It’s probably hidden by a tablecloth, anyway.
5. Smiling and staring into each others’ eyes (anything more than 3 minutes is too long).
Your happiness makes up for any amount of obnoxiousness you might be emanating.
6. Head leaning on chest (male, NOT female chest).
This is more like comfort than pure PDA.
And then some PDA moments are simply too much:
1. Nuzzling of any kind
Particularly, as I witnessed today, a massage that involves her standing, him sitting, and a lot of contorted nuzzling at the neck.
2. Coquettish behavior
Giggling coquettishly while back-hand stroking his/her chest.
3. Noises that do not belong in public
Moaning, especially the surprisingly loud king. This includes all amounts of lovesick sighing.
4. Fish-kissy-face couple-selfies
Single-selfies are bad enough. And isn’t the art of the selfie to pose “sexily” in the hopes of attracting a model? (Ohhh #StarbucksDrakeHands, you will never get old).
5. Tentacle-like making out
If the couple’s arms are doing the majority of the work, there’s a problem. The same is sort of true in private, so get that under control.
You may not believe that a couple exists with the gumption necessary to lick one another in public, but unfortunately, you’re wrong.
Image via Veer