Vocab Lessons: Vegetarian-Friendly Sex Slang

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OkCupid came out with another fascinating blog post today on who likes rough sex (grammar freaks! people with piercings!) and who doesn’t (gardeners! people who like England!).

And speaking of grammar, the post included some vocabulary hitherto unknown to us: sex slang for vegetarians. Apparently, most sex idioms focus around meat? So the good folks at OkCupid wanted to make sure the non-flesh eating sector of the dating population didn’t feel too left out.

Here’s what they came up with:

Peeling The Banana.
Tossing The Salad.
Squeezing The Melons.*
Zeroing in on a grown man’s nuts and nutsack.**
Putting Monsanto in yoursanto.***
Ordering the split pea soup.****
Sorry, that’s got ham.*****
Cornholing others.

*What is this, third grade?
**skeptical that this is slang.
*****That’s not an idiom, that’s a…joke?

All in all, a pretty weak offering. We can come up with something better, can’t we? Something about Tofurkeying someone? “Seitan your face”? Oh god, stopping now.