Happy National High Five Day, everybody! I know you’re all eager to celebrate the greatest expression of mutual congratulations known to man, but if you’ve got a date tonight, you should exercise caution. While irrefutably awesome, the high five is decidedly unromantic.
That said, I high five on dates all the time but I know what I’m doing, you guys. If you want to slap your date some skin, by all means, GO for it, but use your common sense. And in the absence of common sense, follow this handy (pun intended!) guide.
When to High Five On a Date
1. You have challenged another couple to a billiards match and you WIN.
Corner pocket, suckas.
2. You have made a last-minute decision to catch a movie and arrive SECONDS before it begins.
SCORE! (Don’t say “SCORE,” though)
3. You find that you both have the same favorite episode of Firefly (“Out of Gas,” obvs).
You might as well high five, because you’re already DORKS. Heh.
4. After much discussion, you have gambled on the “Caramelized Pear Tort” as opposed to the more obvious “Three Layer Chocolate Cake.” It’s delicious.
Make eye contact and high five with the first bite still in your mouth. NICE!
5. Anytime when the date veers from the traditional in a surprising and overwhelming positive way.
(You’ll just know.)
When NOT to High Five On a Date
1. When you first meet
A handshake is a little formal and you might not be a hugger, but a high five is not a “happy medium.”
2. When they go in for a kiss
If the moment’s not right and your date doesn’t get it, turning your head to the side and saying “let’s slow it down a bit,” will suffice. A high five is never a good substitute for a smooch.
3. If your date is crying
Crying on first date, for whatever reason, can be a little awkward. It’s tempting to try to diffuse the situation by making it even more awkward, but high-fiving and saying “Good cry,” is ill-advised. Awkward doesn’t cancel out awkward, folks.
4. If they throw up on their shoes
Sometimes, out of nervousness, your date might hit the Bacardi a little too hardy and have to excuse themselves to go behind a dumpster. A high five here will only draw more attention to what is undoubtedly already embarrassing. Use that hand to hail them a cab, instead.
5. After sex
Even if the sex was really really good, a high five suggests “Good game,” as opposed to “Whoa.” If you’re even considering a post-coital high-five, you should probably just keep your mouth shut and stare up at the ceiling with a goofy smile on your face. That’ll work.