Entertainment

The 15 Things the New TV Season Taught Me About How to Catch and Keep a Man

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1. Dress up as a slutty nurse. (Whitney)

2. Compliment him on his incredible abs (Two Broke Girls)

3. Commit manslaughter. (The Playboy Club)

4. Be a model. (The New Girl)

5. Deny sex. (Whitney)

6. Emasculate him. (Free Agents)

7. Be the reincarnation of a fairytale princess. (Once Upon a Time)

8. Propose Marriage. Take it back. (Whitney)

9. Get knocked up. (Up All Night)

10. Brainwash yourself into thinking that working as a Playboy Bunny is liberating. (The Playboy Club)

11. Become the definition of twee. (The New Girl)

12. Drink wine until you find Hank Azaria attractive. (Free Agents)

13. Be completely horrible and fall into stereotypical “angry, irritating female” archetypes. (Whitney)

14. Be a prostitute. (Free Agents)

15. Poison his parents. (Revenge)

Joy Engel lives and works in Portland, Maine where she tweets far too much and solves the occasional murder-mystery while riding around on a bicycle. Everything she writes is her personal opinion and does not necessarily represent the views of her employer or its clients.

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