The Sexiest & Not-So-Sexy Thanksgiving Foods

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“The modern turkey has quite large turkey breasts, and it actually physically gets in the way when the male and the female try to create offspring,” says Julie Long of the USDA. That never seems to be a problem in porn!

Thanksgiving is usually not the time to think about sexy food — or sexy turkeys, for that matter. Most people think Valentine’s Day is the best time to get sexy with your food. But I say, pluck it (sorry). If you can get sexy on any holiday, Thanksgiving is as perfect a holiday as any other. Light some candles, sit at the adult table, and get your gravy on (sorry again).

Turkey – We’ve obviously mentioned the sexy turkey breast, but have you ever seen Ron Swanson eat a Turkey Leg wrapped in bacon and not wanted to drop your panties/boxer briefs? Try that at home and see what happens, preferably not in front of Nana.

Cranberry Sauce – These are the sexiest red berries hitting your table this fall. They’re full of antioxidants and what’s not sexy about living longer?

Mashed Potatoes – Are you into food play fetishism? Could there be anything sexier than slathering your partner in some mashed potatoes and pouring on a little warm gravy. Bring a big spoon to the table — or he’ll be the little spoon in bed.

Stuffing – The name really says it all doesn’t it?

Sweet Potato – Apparently sweet potatoes are a natural aphrodisiac, at least according to Google. Let your partner take a bite and then feed them a mini marshmallow afterwards. How sexy is a little white treat in your mouth?

Pumpkin Pie – This is one of the top ten aphrodisiacs and a perfect way to end your Thanksgiving meal. If the turkey makes you sleepy, get aroused with a little slice of pie.

And here are a few Thanksgiving foods to avoid — because these ones are just not sexy:

Canned Peas – On many a table there sits a bowl of warmed up peas from a can. The smell alone is enough to turn me off. Fresh peas in my bowl, please.

Giblets – These come in their own trash bag for a reason.

Green Bean Casserole – This one may be controversial since it is a staple on many Thanksgiving tables, but there is just nothing sexy about a casserole. It may be tasty, but would you really want someone pouring cream of mushroom soup on your back? Oh, I just got that visual too…Nevermind.