Single and looking to find a date: Whiskey, neat.
Single, and looking to hook up with someone, anyone: Long Island Ice Tea.
First date: A Martini, straight up and dirty.
Second date: Red wine, with dinner. (A Merlot, or a Pinot Noir.)
First time you casually invite them in for a drink: The bottle of Sauvignon Blanc you were saving to bring to a friend’s dinner party, but decide it’s very worth it to open now instead.
Sunday morning, after spending the entire weekend together for the first time: Mimosas, to celebrate your blissful coupledom.
First time you go out with his/her friends, and you want to make a good first impression: tequila shots for everyone, on you.
Meeting your best friend at a bar, completely distraught, after you fight for the first time: Any beer that’s on tap, and keep them coming.
Six months in, on a summer night, when you realize you maybe love each other: A bottle of fizzy Lambrusco, at your favorite neighborhood Italian restaurant.
At your cousin’s wedding, when he/she meets your entire extended family for the first time: Lots and lots of champagne, (and a few Gin and Tonics, for good measure).
On Halloween, when you coordinate costumes for your co-workers party: Way too many glasses of the questionable punch.
On a Wednesday night in winter when you decide to meet up after work even though you hadn’t originally planned to: Hot toddies by the fire in an old-school pub.
On vacation together for the first time, to rehydrate between lots and lots of sex: Gin Fizzes and Prosecco.
During a somewhat tense, strained dinner, when neither of you knows what’s wrong: Pinot Grigio.
The last time you guys get really drunk and have sex in the hopes of making everything better: Vodka straight up, from that bottle in your freezer.
The first night after you’ve broken up: Vodka straight up, from that bottle in your freezer.
The second night after you’ve broken up: The last, miserable slurp of vodka straight up, from that bottle that you forgot to put back in your freezer but it doesn’t even matter at this point.
Crying to your friends, two weeks later: A few bottles of 2 Buck Chuck, and maybe another bottle of something else, too, you can’t really remember, it doesn’t even matter at this point.
The first time your friends drag you back out: Pina Coladas at the Tiki Bar they thought would be “fun”. Followed by the Jack Daniels you bought to replace the vodka that formerly resided in your freezer.
The first time you go out with friends and actually start to feel okay: IPA from the tap of this awesome bar that opened up nearby.
When you’re finally ready to date again: Whiskey, straight up.