Tim Gunn Hasn’t Gotten Laid in 29 Years

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Talk about penis cobwebs! Tim Gunn just shared that he hasn’t had sex in 29 years. That’s one year less than thirty, which is twenty years less than 50, which is 50 less than 100! Tim Gunn hasn’t had sex in almost 100 years!

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That surprises me because when I heard of Heidi Klum and Seal’s recent break-up, my first thought was “that floozie home-wrecker Tim Gunn! I bet he seduced Heidi on the set of Project Runway and they’ve been banging ever since!” Wow, Lauren. Not even close!

To answer your first question, “WHYYYYYYYY?”, Gunn stated he carries psychological baggage from a previous relationship, and that he “retreated” at the beginning of the AIDS epidemic, in fear of his health. That sounds like baloney to me, but he doesn’t have to have a reason. Some people don’t have sex. I wonder if he has sexual urges at all. Maybe when he’s horny he grabs some cloth and makes some new drapes or something with reckless abandon. Whatever works.

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I love Tim Gunn. He makes me smile, I think he is rough-yet-nurturing with the contestants on Project Runway, and he’s brought style and art to a lot of people who might not have found it otherwise. But I would not want to have sex with him. I can just hear his voice, telling me to move here and touch this and “make it work” and ewwWWwww. Let’s stop now. Keep on doing what you do, Tim Gunn.

Since he won’t be getting any booty this Valentine’s Day, I made him a valentine, because I am so obsessed with these DIY celebrity valentines:

I thought reality TV stars had sex all the time. But if Bethenny Frankel is not having sex, you know something’s up. It makes me almost start to think that reality TV isn’t real.

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