9 Grocery Store Pickup Lines Smoother Than Peanut Butter (The Smooth Kind)

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What’s the best thing about the grocery store? The free samples, obviously. Second best? The abundance of single hotties. Cute, lonely people just flock to grocery stores, where they wander the aisles aimlessly, searching for extra-crunchy peanut butter and extra-smooth love. (Oh yeah. We went there. And we’re not sorry.)  We can’t guarantee that the pickup lines below will get you a date, but we can guarantee that if you try put an entire ham into your pants, you’ll get drop-tackled by a beefy, wheezing security gaurd—and hey, that’s almost as good.

Plus: 12 Times You Won’t Meet Your Future Spouse At The Grocery Store

 1. “Have you ever seen a guy eat an entire can of pinto beans in under 10 seconds? Would you like to?”

2. “Let’s just say that my peach-squeezing skills extend to other fruits as well. Like boobs.”

3. “Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? But really, I don’t think you’re supposed to put the bananas in your pocket. They have plastic bags for that. “

Plus: 10 Pickup Lines For Flirting At The Bookstore

4. “You’ve got a box of those limited edition tattoo fruit roll-ups, and I’ve got a sugar craving and a bunch of extra spit. Let’s get it on.”

5. “Do you know which aisle the edible underwear is in? Oh wait, wrong store!”

6. “I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve got 3 bags of Cool Ranch Doritos in your basket. Marry me?”

 7. “Okay, here’s the deal: I’ll let you take the last stuffed crust frozen pizza if you let me take you to dinner. At your house. Where we’ll be having frozen pizza.” 

8. “What’s your favorite late night snack? Pie? I’ll buy 6 of them. That way you’ll have something to munch on after our fierce yet tender bang sesh.”

Plus: 50 Pickup Lines For The Farmer’s Market

 9. “I’d offer to help you carry those bags, but I threw my back out saving an orphan from a runaway paddleboat. Little tyke didn’t even see it coming. Thank god I was there.”