A Minnesota newlywed owes thousands of dollars in fines after he decided it would be a good idea for him to carve his and his wife’s name onto Pompeys Pillar National Monument in Montana, the sandstone wall famous for being the place Captain William Clark (of Lewis and Clark expedition fame) carved his name 200 years ago.
Spoiler alert: it was not a good idea.
To be fair to the guy, though, he was in a tough spot, at least according to the account in the Star-Tribune. Apparently, dude was on his honeymoon with his Swedish bandmate when she discovered a “suspicious lump on her breast.” The vacation was cut short, but before they left, he carved their names into the stone. Because, you know, mortality. “I was scared…terrified actually, worst-case scenarios raced through my mind,” he wrote in a statement. “When love and fear of loss team up: we sometimes lose our better judgment…If something were to happen to my wife, I could come back to this place years from now and see her and my names together.”
That makes sense, almost! However, it did not make enough sense for the U.S. Department of Interior’s Bureau of Land Management (or the guy’s more reasonable wife) to absolve the man of two misdemeanor tickets, $1,000 in fines, $3,400 in restitution fees, and a bunch of hate mail. So the moral is, don’t carve your name into stuff. We can’t all be Captain William Clark.