Ban Over-The-Top Proposals, Already

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Remember when the most embarrassing marriage proposals happened via Jumbotron? Oh, how the ways to completely mortify your fiancé-to-be have multiplied in the age of viral videos and selfie-driven narcissism. In 2013, we saw a handful of elaborately orchestrated proposals that could have doubled as off-off-Broadway plays. But now that 2013 is gone, it’s time we also put these ridiculously opulent shows of affection behind us, too. (Unless you happen to convince Aaron Paul to make a surprise cameo in your proposal video, because Breaking Bad will never go out of style, and because awesome.)

If you need more convincing over-the-top proposals need to die, Chillisauce, a UK-based event-planning company, recently surveyed 7,000 Brits for their thoughts on the modern proposal. And no matter how many Bruno Mars flash mobs try to convince you otherwise, it turns out women looking to become affianced would like you to please, please propose like a normal person. A little more than half of women surveyed said they’d prefer their boyfriends to propose by simply asking, “Will you marry me?” Although the rest of the women surveyed were pretty split on their idea of a dream proposal, we can all take solace in the fact that only 11 percent of them preferred “an extravagant proposal.” (Also, if anyone can explain what “the longer the better” is supposed to mean in the context of proposals, please email me.)

chillisauce proposal bar graph

Don’t get me wrong — I support proposals as opportunities to exercise a little creative energy. What I don’t support is the alarmingly high number of proposals that recently seem to come with their own professional film crews and social media editors. It’s the fact that these are turning into an obligation that’s a turn off. The minute these theoretically intimate moments became the internet’s favorite spectator sport, we gave birth to things like proposal planners who we can pay actual money to propose for us. Where’s the creativity in that?

So here’s a New Year’s resolution for serious couples everywhere: Propose at will; just don’t make an ass of yourself while doing it. Do not specially call in a drove of pugs so you can propose. Do not force your guy friends to dress up like the Backstreet Boys circa Millennium and star in a 27-minute home music video so you can propose. Do not make your extended family spend an evening performing choreographed dance moves in the aisles of a Salt Lake City Home Depot so you can propose. Just propose. You can save the dumbassery for the wedding.

Image via Veer