5 Break Up Songs Where You Are The Winner

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Are you tired of listening to “Unbreak My Heart”? Can’t stand the thought of another night of drunken karaoke to the tune of “Nothing Compares 2 U”? Can’t stand all the mess of the wadded up tissues around your coffee table while listening to “Total Eclipse of the Heart”? Worn out from breaking all of the plates while “You Oughta Know” is blasting in the background? There are better ways to get through a break up. Here are five examples of songs that are going to be better for your overall well being and won’t involve you breaking into dramatic theatrics at the drop of a hat.

Situation One:  Your Ex was a no good money grubbing jerk: Call Tyrone by Erykah Badu

Let’s face it. Your ex was always asking you for money, never paid for dinner and always had an excuse why you had to pick them up for a date.  You knew it was time to dump them when they refused to pay for a movie and “then turned around asked me for some ass”. You needed to tell him to call his friends and come and get his shit out of your apartment, and you are justified in doing so. Feel strong. You’ll be just fine.

Situation Two:  Your Ex keeps wanting to get back together: High On Cruel by Neko Case

So your ex has broken your heart and after time spent healing with vodka and gelato, they start texting you asking to get back together. You know what? That’s their problem. You have moved on and seriously how desperate are they? Neko Case gives us an excellent example of this scenario in which a man who has broken her heart comes back and asks her to get back together. With lines like: “I’ve got all of what you’re crying for now; Your tears have come too late” and “You’ll drown in the light; And I’ll burn like a star; Your tears are gonna give me fuel” she shows that there is absolutely no room for sympathy!

Situation Three: Your Ex shows up with someone new: Look At These Hoes by Santigold

So you are out getting your drink on. Nothing new here considering that you are newly single, and who walks in? Your ex. With someone new. You need a song that is going to fill you with confidence. A song that affirms that you are, indeed, the most attractive person in this room if not the entire world. Cue Santigold! This song takes self-confidence to a new level because seriously: “Look at me then look at these hoes. These bitches ain’t f*cking with me.”

Situation Four: Your Ex is a hot mess: From Here by Jenny Owens Young

Have you ever seen “30 Rock”? Of course you have! Anywho, there is one episode in which Liz is drinking wine and calling a realtor about an apartment she wants. Well she ends up drinking too much and calling the realtor screaming “I AM GOING TO THE HOSPITAL AND I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY!” This kind of emotional sabotage is completely uncalled for and really hurts your chances of moving on. So, do as Ms. Young suggests and “just watch from over here.” You don’t need to engage this sort of thing, and by engaging their actions you are enabling them to contact you further. Sometimes (as said by Jenny): “Me not caring is the best thing happening to you.”

Situation Five: I am tired of making lemonade out of lemons:  Lemonade by Tsunami Bomb

Considering that this song opens with the line “Remember how you gave me shitand I made lemonade out of it?” There is nothing wrong with tolerating a fair amount of bullshit, it is key for us to function in society. Without this tolerance for other people’s horrible personalities and consistent lying, we would most certainly go insane every time we had to go grocery shopping or to the post office. But everyone has a limit, and once that limit is reached, the person or situation can just go to hell. As so eloquently put by Tsunami Bomb: “No more shit, this is it, I am leaving for myself and no one else, So long, been swell, see you in hell!”